Sunday, March 27, 2011

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

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Because a girl is never too young for her first body image disorder…

Abercrombie & Fitch now brings us padded bikinis for 8-year-olds.   No more despair over tiny tatas for your third grader.   Now she can rock the new A & F “Ashley” Push-Up Triangle – a triangular-shaped bikini top with thick padding for breast enhancement.  


Why wait till puberty for your little princess become a sex object?   Get your daughter the new “Ashley” big-boob bikini and she can start attracting men of inappropriate-age right now.

Abercrombie & Fitch are known for pushing the sexual limits in fashion.  No big deal or this time have they gone too far?

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Some pistol power with your "Apprentice"?

A Radio Shack in Montana is offering customers a pistol or shotgun with every purchase of a Dish Network TV package and the store owner says it’s tripled his business since first offered last October.  

When you think about it, it really does make a lot of sense.  There have been countless times when something on TV has pissed me off and I’ve thought, “Damn!  If I only had a gun, I’d go out and shoot something.”  

For those less trigger-happy folks, they can choose a $50 Pizza Hut gift card instead.  

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Not exactly Old Spice, but...

Hart Main is a 13-year-old Ohio boy with a nose for business.   Turned off by the “girly-scented” candles his sister was selling for a school fundraiser, Hart decided it was time guys had some scented candles they could enjoy, too.

The enterprising youth took $100 from his savings and Man Cans was launched with scents that include bacon, pizza, sawdust and the smell of a fresh leather baseball mitt. 

In keeping with an eco-friendly business model, all of his candles are contained in recycled soup cans from soup he donates to a local soup kitchen

Hart works on his candle business when he’s not in school and says his mom helps him pour the wax because she doesn’t trust him to do it alone.  Since November of last year, Hart has sold 675 candles for $5 each and made enough money to buy himself a new bike and put money away for college where he plans to study business.

The next scent he’s working on is aptly named “Money To Burn.” 

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GE brings good things to their own life…


And they best use their imagination when it comes to dodging taxes.

In 2009, General Electric made $10.3 billion in 2009, but received a $1.1 billion tax rebate.  In 2010, despite profits of $14.2 billion — $5.1 billion from its operations in the United States — General Electric did not have to pay any U.S. taxes.  

In addition, GE is currently sitting on $77 billion in reserves.  That’s a lot of dough that’s not in circulation to create jobs and pay some of the country’s bills.   And they’re not alone. 

In 1970, corporations paid 29% of all income tax taken in by the U.S. government.  In 2009, they paid only 6%.  Guess who made up the rest? 


Almost all the members of the Senate and half of the House are millionaires.  Why we elect millionaires to represent us, then wonder why they don’t pass laws to help the middle-class can only be explained as collective insanity.    

To see a list of more corporations dodging the tax man check out http://payupnow.org/

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And now a little bit about “The American Dream” from the genius of the late George Carlin.  Recorded in 2005, it’s even more timely today…




It's your turn.  You know what to do...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

injaynesworld "Odyssey Dawn..."

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...is a stripper name.   

Or perhaps a feminine hygiene product, which would make more sense, I suppose.  We are trying to dispose of a douche.

Somewhere in the bowels of the Pentagon it’s some poor low-level bureaucrat’s job to come up with asinine names for our military missions to make them easier to sell -- to us,  the ever gullible public.

Because names like “Operation Throbbing Manhood,” or “Operation Testosterone Overload” – while certainly more accurate – just don’t roll off the tongue in the same pleasing manner, do they?

The first day of our “humanitarian mission” in Libya cost us $100,000,000.   Meanwhile, we’ve cut the budget we spend on heating oil subsidies for the elderly and poor, some of whom, come another winter like this one, will probably freeze to death from lack of heat.   Well, what the hell.   I hear freezing’s not such a bad way to go.  

Maybe they should go live in Libya where “we cannot stand idly by and watch people die.”  

And don’t even get me started about the cost of that fighter jet we lost.  My guess is Allstate won’t be approving that claim any time soon.

Today U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates spoke to reporters in Cairo, stating that no one can predict an outcome in Libya.   Sound familiar?

Oh, and there’s another misnomer, “Defense Department.”   Why don’t they just call it what it is, the “Offense Department.”  Even after 9/11 we didn’t play defense.  We bankrupted the country attacking Iraq, a country that had nothing to do with 9/11.  

We don’t seem to have money to help the long-term unemployed who’ve seen their jobs disappear due to the government's penchant for corporate giveaways and disastrous trade policies.   We can’t afford to pay our teachers so we’re laying them off and closing schools.   Infrastructure?  Maybe when the Golden Gate Bridge collapses that will finally get our attention, but in the meantime you lesser known bridges – you’re screwed. 


I feel as bad about people around the globe being slaughtered by their governments as the next person, but has anyone noticed that we have a war going on right here in this country against our own people?    The middle-class has been economically bombed nearly out of existence.   Where’s the outrage over that?

So okay.   We’re in it now.   Can we please stop saying we’re not going to take out Gadhafi?    After the millions of dollars we’re pissing away on this thing, I want to see a dead guy.   Kill.  The.  Mother.  Fucker.   And then let’s get the hell out. 

Or let’s call this what it is:   Operation Clusterfuck.   

Sunday, March 20, 2011

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

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There’s a new gal in town…

 
While Lynda Carter’s “Wonder Woman” came off kind of like the girl next door with just a little something extra, Adrianne Palicki’s version of the super heroine seems downright menacing.  But I guess tougher times call for tougher ladies. 

Still, I’d pick Lynda if I was in trouble.  Not only would she save me from the bad guy, but she’s someone I’d like to go out for lunch and some shopping with afterwards. 

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Charlie Sheen for President…?

Image Credit: Ethan Miller/Getty Images
In a poll pitting him against President Obama or Sarah Palin, Republicans favor Charlie 37-28 over the President, while Democrats give him a 44-24 edge over Palin.

Well, you gotta admit, it would liven up the Lincoln bedroom. 

##

Look who else is hopping on the GOP presidential crazy train…

When asked this week if it was fair that corporations like ExxonMobil, Bank of America and Arch Coal, while making millions in net profits, have not paid a dime in federal income taxes in recent years, Newt Gingrich defended their use of tax loopholes, calling them a good thing because, after all, their employees pay taxes.  

In 2009, Arch Coal made a direct donation of  $100,000 to Gingrich’s political committee, American Solutions for Winning the Future.    Well, at least we know whose future Gingrich is working for. 

Charlie’s looking better and better, isn’t he?

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Having an abortion, ladies?   Be sure and keep that receipt…

If the Republicans – the party of smaller government – the party of “keep your hands off my health care” – have their way, the IRS will be their new abortion cops. 

In an attempt to extend the reach of their “No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion” act, a woman who pays for an abortion out of her Health Care IRA, from medical insurance that covers the procedure or claims a medical credit or deduction would be in violation of the law forbidding such use.   If audited, the burden of proof would be on her to provide documentation that her abortion fell under the rape/incest, life-of-the-mother exception or that her health insurance did not cover abortions. 

Don’t blame me.   I didn’t vote for these assholes. 


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Giving a whole new meaning to the term "potty mouth..."

Courtesy of Brahm over at Alfred Lives Here

A woman designer in Amsterdam can’t understand all the fuss over her creative urinal design that, I can only assume, was meant to give men something else to do in public restrooms besides sizing each other up.  



Virgin Airlines cancelled their order for their lounge at JFK airport after receiving numerous complaints that the urinals were degrading to women.  

I say if it doesn’t bother Mick Jagger, it doesn’t bother me.  What do you say?  Just a gag or a gag-reflex?
 
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Finally, this is especially for my friend Nicky at We Work For Cheese.  She’ll understand…


Brighten my day...

Friday, March 11, 2011

injaynesworld we have "Friends With Money..."

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This is a movie about friendships – specifically four close friends, three with money and Jennifer Aniston, who supported herself as a maid.  

My friends have money.   I don’t.   But it wasn’t always this way.

Long, long ago and far, far away in a land known as Tinsel town, I was flying pretty high.  I wrote TV-movies – some good, some crap – but they all paid me the big bucks.  Life was sweet and it seldom occurred to me that it would ever be any different.  Some may call that na├»ve.  I prefer to blame it on heavy use of hallucinogenics in the sixties, but regardless, I spent like the proverbial drunken sailor.  What money I did manage to squirrel away vanished in the stock market crash of 2000 when the dot.com bubble burst like an overripe melon dropped from a highrise.

Right around this same time, a glut of new “Reality” TV shows were emerging on the scene, shows which could be made far more cheaply than my movies, and the stage was set for my early, abrupt and unexpected retirement.   

Bless the Writers Guild for having more foresight than I did.   Because of all the writers who’d marched on picket lines over the years so that I could enjoy good wages and benefits, I now at least had a pension and, but for one lousy consonant, I could have still been sitting pretty.   Alas, in the days when my cup was running over, I bought a horse instead of a house.   

Here’s a life lesson no one ever prepared me for:   When your income gets smaller, your expenses must follow.   By the time, I figured this out I was in as deep as those miners in Chile. 

Most of my friends were a lot more financially savvy than I was.   Or at least they had the good sense to marry someone with some smarts in that area.  

Which brings us to now and my new role as the “Jennifer Aniston” friend.   I’m not quite scrubbing other people’s toilets, but I can’t “keep up with the Joneses” anymore either.  Simple things like lunches, movies – even an invitation to a potluck can stress my weekly grocery budget.   Meet for a drink?   Are you kidding?  With the price of gas, I can’t afford to drive to the bar, much less buy a drink. 

And yet my friends still love me.   They’ve carried my ass more times than I can count.   I just wish I could remember the last time I was able to reciprocate because that’s where the real rub is for me.   It would be nice being the one picking up the check again. 

With so many people facing difficult economic times these days, I really can’t complain.  There are plenty who have it much harder than I do.  People in really desperate circumstances.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think about that… and wonder if they’d like to be friends. 

Notice the addition of my movie “Big Spender” in my left sidebar.  If you buy it, I get royalties.  Just sayin’…

Sunday, March 6, 2011

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

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What screams “masculine” more than playing with dolls?

Or so Herobuilders, a Connecticut toy company hopes.   Worried that today’s men are becoming emasculated by the role models they’re seeing in TV advertising, the company has created action figures out of what it considers to be TV commercial “manly” men.  There's “Meyhem Guy” from Allstate, “Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man In The World,” and my personal fave, “Old Spice Guy.”



"I'm tired of all this sensitivity in men," creator Emil Vicale said. "These are men finally acting like men."

Vicale believes that by playing with the super macho dolls men will start to identify with tough guys again and regain their masculinity.

Yeah.  Kind of like playing with fake-boob-Barbie provided such a wonderful role model for generations of women.

At $50 a piece, all three dolls talk and are anatomically correct.   "I didn't skimp in the anatomy department with the Old Spice Guy," Vicale said proudly. "You can see him flaccid. You can see him erect."

And they say American entrepreneurship is dead. 

Something tells me the wives will be playing with these plastic marvels more than their husbands. 

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Lady Gaga says dump Baby Gaga…

Looks like we weren’t the only ones unimpressed with breast milk ice cream.  Lady Gaga has slapped the titty treat maker with a “cease and desist” and reportedly called it “nausea inducing.”

The owner of the London store now claims the ice cream was just meant to promote a philosophical discussion, "Is it better if we use milk from cows injected with hormones who are artificially induced with pregnancy every few months, or human milk?"

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want to think that hard about ice cream. 

The product is no longer for sale, but the store owner says he finds it ironic that the superstar calls his product "nausea inducing" when she has been known for "wearing rotting cow's flesh."

Point.  Set.  Match.

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A cease and desist order we’d really like to see…

In an 8 to 1 decision, the Supreme Court upheld Westboro Baptist Church’s right to spew their vile hate speech at military funerals.   

We’re not sure how the words “God” and “hate” can be used in the same sentence by folks purporting to be “Christians,” and feel that the case should have been brought by the Deity himself (and no, Charlie, I’m not talking about you) as a clear case of slander.


Now that would have been must-watch television.

“I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”  Source disputed, but often credited to Voltaire, shows that the French have always been a pain in the ass.

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File under "goofy speech…"



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Finally, continuing with our free speech theme, here’s Jimmy Kimmel’s take-off on “The Kings Speech” starring our own lovable George W. Bush.


And now what do you have to say?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

injaynesworld presents "Charlie Sheen and Muammar Gaddafi..."

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starring in

Legends In Their Own Minds




     “I am tired of pretending I am not special, that I am 

     not totally bitchin, that I am not a rock star from Mars."





              "My people love me.  They would die for me."



         With special guest appearance by Mel Gibson as "Uncle Adolf."




            

             Coming soon to an IMAX Theater near you...

   because no standard size screen could contain their egos.



     Rated D - Delusional




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