Sunday, February 23, 2014

injaynesworld "As the Stomach Turns..."


It’s been a long time since I’ve given out the “Steaming Pile of Shit Award.”  

It takes a lot to offend me.  Seriously.  Go ahead.  Give it your best shot…

See?  Nothing.

But every so often there are things I see that turn my stomach to such a degree I truly fear for the future of society. “Selfies with homeless people,” is a website where kids upload photos they’ve taken alongside some of the most unfortunate folks in our society; many of them asleep and unaware of the hilarity that is being expressed at their expense by kids who have probably never missed a meal in their lives. 

Is this the disconnect we read so much about in this age of digital distance?   Have we raised a generation that is incapable of experiencing empathy?   What does this portend for our country when these kids grow into positions of power?  

As a teen, I did a lot of stupid things.  We all did.  Teenagers are a sub-species.   But I don’t recall ever taking delight in another person’s misery.  My peers wouldn’t have been impressed.  They would have been appalled. 

As much as I mock my Catholic background, there is something to be said for going to a school where scary women in black robes were allowed to beat the crap out of you if you even breathed disrespect.   

I’m not going to post the link to this steaming-pile-of-shit website.  You can seek it out on your own if you’re so inclined, but I would caution you to do so on an empty stomach.  To those of you who have children, show them these photos, and if they laugh -- for the sake of society – lock them in a damn closet. 

Prompted by “There are things…” from the “30 Days Minus 2 Writing Challenge.”  See what the others are up to today at We Work for Cheese.



Monday, February 17, 2014

injaynesworld "Faking It..."


I faked it.  It’s true.  I told him how good it was and then, God help me, I even begged for more.  What else could I do?   He had tried so hard to please me.  And though he probably shouldn’t have boasted quite so much about his prowess in this area, I didn’t have the heart to hurt his feelings. 

I seriously have to wonder though just where he got this delusion about himself.  I can’t be the first woman he’s disappointed like this.  Had the others faked it, as well?   The thing is, I really like him.  He’s a great guy.   But he wants to do it again tomorrow night and I don’t think I can take it.  So, I guess I really have no choice, do I?   I’ll just have to tell him the truth…

But it can wait until morning.  He may be a crappy cook, but he’s great in bed. 


This post in response to the “30 Minus 2 Days Writing Challenge” prompt, “I faked it,” brought to you by those fine folks at We Work for Cheese.  Check out the other posts for today.  



Wednesday, February 12, 2014

injaynesworld "Hold The Hot Sauce..."


When it comes to food, if it’s sweet, bring it on.  Salty?   More, please.  As for spicy, well sure.  Okay.  But in moderation.   Let’s not go crazy.  

Which brings us to hot:  Chile peppers, jalapenos, cayenne pepper.   Don’t even go there.   Call me unreasonable, but I don’t believe Novocain should be required as an appetizer.

It was a night of Olympic watching, the year Nancy Kerrigan rose to more fame than she would ever see again for being whacked on the knee.   I was with two of my friends, drinking wine and wolfing down Chinese food from an array of open cartons. 

“Why?!  Why?!” Kerrigan had sobbed into camera, a clip that kind of lost its impact after the 112th viewing.    

Bitches that we were, we laughed at her.   

All was merry, until I dug my fork into carton of benign-looking beef.  It only took one bite…

HOLYMOTHEROFFUCKINGGOD!!!!!

My mouth burst into flames.  No, really.  Actual flames.  Would I lie?   Fluids began rushing from places on my body that I didn’t even know had exits.  

“Cut out my tongue!  Cut it out!  Cut it out!” I screamed, as I rolled on the floor in agony.

My so-called friends were also rolling on the floor, also screaming, also shedding copious amounts of fluids – IN LAUGHTER!  

I frantically pointed to the tiny red little bastard I had spit across the room. 

“You ate one of those?!!”  BAHAHAHA!   “They’re just for decoration!”  BAHAHAHA!

WTF?!   Parsley is a decoration! 

If something is served in my food, I assume I can eat it.  Is that so wrong?   And why isn’t there a damn warning label on the carton?   A simple drawing of one of these things with a big red line through it would have sufficed.   It’s not like I was a newby to Chinese food.  I’d eaten it all my life without encountering one of those things.  

Suddenly, I knew how Nancy Kerrigan felt.  You’re just walking along one minute, minding your own business and WHACK!    

As I sat on the floor, stunned and guzzling down Chardonnay straight from the bottle, I could only sob, “Why?!  Why?!”

 
From today’s “30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge” prompt “one bite.” It’s still not too late for you to join us over at We Work for Cheese.   Jump in anytime.  We’re a fun bunch.




 

Saturday, February 8, 2014

injaynesworld it’s “The Opening Ceremony Recap…”


May I just say, “Damn!  The Russians rocked it.”  Okay, so maybe one of their Olympic rings did have erectile dysfunction, but the ceremony as a whole was a technical and artistic marvel.  




Some in the western press are giving it a failing grade, saying all that was missing was a dancing succubus, but who loves excess more than we do?

As anyone who knows me might suspect, they had me at the horses. 


Image:  Matt Dunham, AP

And how about that floating 11-year-old?   Sure, Dylan might have worried that she’d “break just like a little girl,” but I’m betting that her family got a new apartment out of it.    


Image:  Mark Humphrey, AP

Even the Russian team fashion put the world on notice.   Wouldn’t our own adorable Nicky look gorgeous in one of those coats?  


Image:  Barbara Walton, EPA

USA brought the red, white and blue with their Ralph Lauren design.




While France decided to phone it in.  Seriously?   WTF, France?   Coco Chanel is spinning in her grave.




For sheer whimsy, my vote goes to the Germans (and “whimsy” is not a word often seen in the same sentence as “German”).   But with these outfits they are clearly saying, “Hey!  Don’t judge us by Merkel.”  


Image: Petr David Josek, AP

One of the best moments didn’t make it to prime time, but is getting the most YouTube hits today:   The Russian Police Choir sings Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky.”  




And rumor has it, Putin’s mistress got lucky when she was chosen to light the Olympic torch. 


Image:  Patrick Semansky, SP

Chime in.  What were some of your favorite moments?

This post is part of the “30 Minus 2 Days of Writing” challenge.  Those in the know will see that I’ve cheated, having included prompts from February 8th (Damn!), February 9th (Dylan), and February 11th (succubus).  But honestly, writing a new post every single day is enough to turn us all into a bunch of zombies.  Oh look!  There’s another one.  February 10th’s prompt (zombies).  

My enduring admiration to all those stalwart souls who actually are writing a new post every single day.  



Monday, February 3, 2014

injaynesworld we are "Still Only Temporarily Insane..."


“Temporary Insanity.”  A term bandied about mostly by those who have plunged a knife into the heart of a cheating spouse.  Oops! 

As opposed to another favorite of mine, “bad judgment,” mostly professed by the spouse who cheated. 

The older I get, the more instances I have where I am convinced that I have lost my mind.  It has always tended to wander but, until recently, could usually be counted on to return of its own volition.  These days I often have to go in search for it. 

Recently, I intended to take some carrots to my horses at the barn where they are boarded.  I walked out of my house to my car, got in, and realized I had forgotten the key.  I walked back to my house, got the key, got in the car, drove to the barn where I realized I had forgotten the carrots.  I wanted to self-mutilate.

I sometimes wonder how soon these moments, only individual pearls now, will one day form a complete necklace.   When temporary will become permanent and Jayne, as we know her, will have left the building.  Fortunately, I seem, for the time being anyway, to be absent of any of the violent behavior often associated with the “insanity” part of the equation, except when channel surfing accidently lands me on the Fox Network and I have an overwhelming urge to throw a brick through my TV screen.   But that would just be bad judgment. 

Google has invented glasses that allow you to watch yourself when having sex; the ultimate gift for the narcissist.   Still, it gives me hope that our rapidly advancing technology will soon come up with a way to keep my wandering mind in the “temporary” zone, at least for a little while longer.

This post is day three of the third annual“30 Minus 2 Days of Writing,” brought to you by those sadistic fucks fun folks, Nicky and Mike, over at We Work forCheese.  Go over there and check out the other lunatics who agreed to participate.  







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