Once again, Michael Jackson’s burial has been postponed. This time because the family thought it wrong to bury him on his birthday, but apparently okay to let him lie around dead for months on end. Since they clearly are not ready to let go of The Gloved One, may I suggest a trip to the local taxidermist. They might even be able to install a CD for you that plays “Billie Jean” on a continuous loop. Bendable joints would allow for his placement at the dinner table so as to never miss one of your fun-filled holiday meals. Joe, the family pimp, could prop him up at the gates of Neverland and charge fans to take their pictures with him. You could even belt him up in the passenger seat so as to drive in the carpool lane. Think about it. The uses for a stuffed MJ are endless and the benefits far outweigh the disposal of his perfectly good, if slightly emaciated, nose less body.
Come on, Jacksons. Bury him already! We are all so over the "Summer of '09 Michael Jackson Dead Body Tour.” Give the poor bastard in death what he never got in life – some fucking peace.
You Know You're Getting Old When...
8 hours ago