Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Starting off with something I meant to write yesterday… Despite the efforts of retailers anxious to push us on to Valentine’s Day, Christmas is not over. Christmas day is the beginning and not the culmination of the Christmas season which actually ends on January 6th, the day known in Christianity as The Epiphany. Hence “The Twleve Days of Christmas.” Growing up, my mother always referred to January 6th as “Little Christmas” and on that day we would exchange one last small gift. So whether you celebrate The Epiphany or consider it your final chance to collect more loot, my point is you can choose to keep Christmas in your heart and home for another 10 days. Then, really, it has to go.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Yes. It's a customized cupcake car. Never again be humiliated by an inadequate gift. For a mere $25,000 your friend can cruise the neighborhood in this puppy. Powered by a 24-volt electric motor, it tops out at 7 mph -- fast enough to wipe out the local postman, but probably too slow to elude the dog that was chasing him.
No winner of the “Golden Balls” award this week, but the “Dickless Wonder” award goes to President Obama for his disgraceful lack of leadership on meaningful health care reform. Oh no she didn’t! Yeah. I did. What part of “… where nothing is sacred” didn’t you understand?
Thursday, December 17, 2009
"Precious" is the name of the main character in this movie so powerfully portrayed by newcomer Gabourey Sidbe. Remember that name. You will be hearing it a lot as award season ramps up in the weeks to come.
Much of the story is told in Precious’ own voice. Often in film this technique can be intrusive, but as used here it is an important and necessary part of the storytelling because despite her grim circumstances, Precious’ mind is an extraordinary place to be, albeit one so shut down as to bar our entry by any other method. It is a place that, through fantasy, has allowed her to survive. A place that still houses the will and determination that we know as the human spirit.
With the transfer of Precious to a special school, the film plants a seed of hope and we see her spirit slowly begin to reawaken. We root for her, because if she can make it is there anything we can’t accomplish?
Here then is a preview of the film. I'm going to get some eggnog, then we'll talk...
So why would I suggest this as a must-see film for Christmas? And, no. It’s not because I’ve gone off my meds.
Traditionally, in Christianity anyway, Christmas is the time to celebrate the birth of Christ, or God in human form, or the great “I AM,” whatever personal meaning that may have for you. To me it means that spark in each of us that is unique and eternal despite how life’s hardships may sometimes appear to suffocate its light, and that spark is what drives this film.
Every time Precious is knocked to the ground, she gets up more determined than ever. Some may say it’s anger that motivates that determination, but anger can drive a person to retaliation, to self-destruction, and those aren’t the paths she takes. This is what fascinates me about the character. Outwardly, there is no logical reason for her to not just give up.
Whenever the tiniest crack opens to reveal an opportunity for salvation, Precious courageously steps through it. She doesn’t know where it will lead her, but she does so on faith. It takes courage and faith to change one’s life and claim one’s dignity. Precious is an unlikely hero in that regard but, again, that dichotomy is what draws us to the character. Hard to watch? Sometimes. Worthy of the effort? Most definitely.
While the film doesn’t wrap its message up in the end like a Hallmark made-for-TV-movie, “Precious” is a testament to the power of the human spirit to triumph even in the darkest of circumstances.
If Christmas is about the birth of a savior, then perhaps the lesson in “Precious” is that we’ve all been given the ability to save ourselves.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Here Meredith Baxter comes out as a lesbian and Tiger knocks her right off the front page. So let’s give Meredith her due first, shall we? Why she chose Matt could-he-be-any-duller Lauer to announce this to is beyond me. Wouldn’t Ellen have been the obvious choice? At least she might have gotten a few “atta girl’s” from the audience. A supportive hug from Portia. Something. Or even Oprah. The jury is still out on her and Gayle. Lauer looked like he didn’t want to be there anymore than she did.
I really wish she’d come out back in the 80s in an episode of “Family Ties” the way Ellen did on her sitcom. How cool a show would that have been with Alex going all right-wing crazy trying to figure out how he was going to still get elected president of his young Republicans club if mom was now a dad, Mallory struggling to come to terms with her mother’s sudden desire to be a “thespian,” while youngest, liberal-leaning Jennifer, proudly shares the news during class show-and-tell. Meanwhile, dad Steven embarks on an affair with neighbor Skippy’s (remember Skippy?) mother who turns out to be Glenn Close and threatens to boil the family's bunny. Now that would have been a coming-out to remember.
I guess I can’t make it through this week’s recap without some mention of Tiger Woods, but really… Another day, another sex scandal. Ho-freakin’-hum. Not long ago the press was on fire over Letterman’s dalliances. Before that you couldn't turn on the TV without hearing about South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s outpourings of love to his Argentinean paramour. (And this week, Mrs. Sanford finally announced she’d be divorcing his sorry ass.) The list goes on and on like a scandal-of-the-month gift club. And what’s with these fools blasting their infidelities out over the internet and in texts? Testosterone really is the stupid drug.
One hardly bats an eye anymore when an entertainer or a politician are exposed as less than morally stellar. Even most cheating athletes are normally just a blip on the talk show circuit for a finite amount of time. But this Tiger Woods thing – it’s got legs. Oh yeah. We’ll be hearing about this ad nauseum for a long time to come. And we will be very slow to forgive. Especially us gals…
There will be some men who will look at Tiger’s tales of, well... tail and voice all the right admonitions, while just below the surface their inner 16-year-old horn-dog will be grinning from ear-to-ear going “Way to score!” We women, however, will sit back seething because if a man will cheat on a woman who looks like Elin Woods, what the hell chance do the rest of us mere mortals have? Add to that the fact that we all bought Mr. My-Farts-Don’t-Smell-Woods’ act lock, stock, and proverbial barrel and none of us, men or women, like to be played as fools. It makes me wonder… Why do we feel such a need for these people to be heroes in the first place?
It's a boy for former Hef girlfriend and Playboy bunny, Kendra Wilkinson and husband Hank Baskett, weighing in at a whopping, healthy 9lbs, 5 oz. Let's just hope this bunny doesn't follow in the footsteps of "18 Kids and Counting" Jesus-made-me-do-it Michelle Duggar who gave birth to a baby girl, sadly only 1 lb, 6 oz. It’s 19 and counting now, and I think you know how I feel about “Women Who Litter.”
Bidding starts at 500 drachmas.
This week's Golden Balls award goes to the citizens of Houston, Texas, for electing the country's first openly gay mayor, Annise Parker. Congratulations Houston! I can't help thinking our girl Meredith had just a little something to do with it.
And finally, a second Golden Balls award goes to comic genius Jon Stewart for his ever-so-skillful insertion of a solid gold bar into the anus of Glenn Beck without benefit of anesthesia. Enjoy…
|The Daily Show With Jon Stewart||Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c|
|Beck - Not So Mellow Gold|
If you leave a comment a Democrat will grow balls... I'm just kinda into the whole balls thing this week.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Update: This is last year's tree. Since my friend and reader, Ron, has now instructed me that I need to turn the flash off to get a photo of all the lights (because I'm such a moron, I never figured that one out for myself), I will take another picture Monday night after the party and replace this one. Stay tuned...
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
The surest way to get me to not do something is to guilt-trip me about doing it.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Not that there wasn't just a bunch of stuff to write about. Blonds took center stage, first with White House party crasher/wanna-be reality star, Michaele Salahi & hubby, and then not-to-be-outdone, Elin Woods, wife of Tiger, who wailed on his ass for cheating on her.
And giving brunettes a bad name, Sarah Palin, the quintessential quitter, did it again, this time dropping out of a 5K "turkey trot" race on Thanksgiving Day because "she wanted to avoid the crowds waiting for her at the end." Oh, yeah... because here's a woman who definitely goes out of her way to avoid attention.
But here's my personal favorite:
Holiday happenings and my real job make this a shorter than usual "Recap," but I'm not going to feel guilty about it and tomorrow you'll find out why.
If you leave a comment the calories you consumed this week won't count.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Kellogg Co. says there will be a nationwide shortage of its popular Eggo frozen waffles until next summer because of interruptions in production at two of the four plants where they're made, sending Glenn Beck into an meltdown of rage and tears, "Is there no end to Obama's evil?"
Martha Stewart slapped down Racheal Ray this week, saying the ever-bubbly Ray "could not hold a candle to her in the kitchen." Ray very smartly responded, "She's right. I'd rather eat Martha's food..." because you don't mess with a bitch who can make a lethal weapon out of a tampon.
Big news of the week was Oprah's announcement of her 18-month good-bye tour, creating a major run on Prozac. "Say it isn't so!" her fans cried. Good news. It actually isn't. Oprah, that smartest of all smart cookies, when faced with declining ratings, consistent Emmy losses to Ellen, and an announcement from her syndicators that they would be cutting the money they now pay her, did what any media kazillionaire would do. She bought herself a network. That's right, the Oprah Winfrey Network or OWN, as in "I own freakin' everything," will be up and running right around the time her current contract is up. Take that, Ellen...
Saving the best for last, this week our "Golden Balls Award" goes to 10-year-old Will Phillips from that bastion of liberal thought (not) Washington County, Arkansas, for refusing to say the Pledge of Allegiance until there is marriage equality for all in this country. Clearly, not your average 10-year-old, Will skipped a grade this year, going directly from third to fifth. The video speaks for itself. Let me just say that with kids like Will around, I feel much more hopeful that one day we just might have "justice for all."
If you leave a comment a red state will turn blue.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
My first car was a 1967 powder blue Triumph Spitfire with a white convertible top. It cost all of $2500 new. I bought it when I graduated from high school. I put $500 down and paid about $72 each month. Gas was about a quarter a gallon and the thing ran on air. It was fun, fast, sexy, definitely cool and I felt like major hot stuff zooming around town at the wheel.
If you leave a comment chocolate will fall like rain.
Monday, November 16, 2009
- When did you first begin writing and what inspired you to do so? I chronicled most of my childhood and young adulthood in journals. Sadly, I cannot locate the journal that spanned age 9 through 17. When I do, I have big plans to share it with the blogosphere ala Cringe
- The blogging world seems saturated with “mommybloggers,” and after a while many of them sound pretty much the same. How have you managed to differentiate yourself from the pack as you have? Everyone blogs for different reasons. Blogs can be an easy, convenient way to update loved ones about your family, share photos and recipes, show your boobs etc… I began blogging with the specific intent of organizing my writing practice and in hopes of finding a wider audience than my two friends who used to read my rants via email, and my Mom who still actually reads my blog. Intermitantly. My two friends? They still love me, but a year later they have better things to do with their very busy lives.
- Can you talk a little about your writing process? For example, how much editing do you do from first draft to published post? How I wish I could say I ramble off a post in fifteen minutes without much thought. Sadly, I’m a perfectionist. Not the kind that produces typo-free posts, but the kind that has to stop myself from analyzing and editing ad nauseum. In theory, every time I have an idea, I stick it in a word document. Then days or months later, I go back and use all or part or none of it in a post. In practice, I tell myself I don’t have to put the idea in a word doc—that I’ll remember it, at which point the idea disappears forever into the nether region of my brain that responds “Vinnie Barbarino!” when asked what day it is.
- You recently celebrated your first blogging anniversary and wrote an excellent piece about what other bloggers can expect at that milestone. What were your goals for your blog when you first started? My first goal was to showcase my boobs, but then I realized I no longer had any. My second goal was to write a humor blog—to make every post funny so people knew what they were getting when they came to annsrants. I made a conscious decision to keep my personal struggles personal, unless I used them in a humorous context (which often happens)
- I notice you don’t have any ads on your blog. Any comment? I am an anti-ad activist. (Kidding, I was actually in TV ad sales for 4 years) I think I’m on the waiting list for BlogHer ads, but I’m honestly not sure. I’m not focused on the business of blogging, and how to make money on my blog. My goal is to focus on writing. Many people do both successfully. If I start focusing on making money, I will obsess even more about how many people are reading, and how many are clicking and how depressing it is to get a check for 31 cents.
- I’m a new blogger, having just started in August of this year. What advice would you give newbies, like myself, for growing an audience? Unless your blog is hugely popular, blogging involves reciprocity. To get an audience you have to read and comment on a lot of blogs, so they will read and comment on yours. My advice is to keep searching until you find blogs you love, to make this reading/commenting process feel more like you’re building a relationship, and less like you are on a never-ending cold calling bender in hell “Hi there! Nice Header! Dude, I have those EXACT same TWEEZERS! Loveyoumeanit”
- You’ve written some charming interviews with yourself as a teenager. If you could interview 80-year-old Ann, what would you like to say to her? I am praying she does all the talking and hoping to God that she has some wisdom to share with me, but what I’m hearing 80-year-old Ann say to 35-year-old Ann is “SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
Ann: Thank you, Jayne. And I love the funky way you spell Jane. Or your Mom spelled Jayne. Now I really sound like a cold-caller, Jayne. Sorry, Jayne. Super fun. Thanks!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
CNN: When you were growing up did you think you think to yourself, “I want to be a sex symbol?”
LJ: No. I was a kid from a small town, just doing my own thing, thought I’d follow the family trade... and sell drugs? How's that working out for the Johnstone clan?
Personal note: This is the crap CNN now deems worthy of coverage and then wonders why it's dropped to last place in the news channel ratings. Just sayin'...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
In you leave a comment there will instantly be world peace.