Tuesday, October 6, 2009

injaynesworld we do "Love Our Scandals"


This week it’s hard to choose between the ongoing war of words between “Jon & Kate Plus Hate” and David Letterman’s little game of  “hide the salami,” but since a good sex scandal trumps everything, our “Blue Dress Award” has to go to Dave.  

This scandal has it all.  Dave cheating on his then-fiancée and girlfriend of 23 years with a woman who was cheating on her live-in boyfriend who then discovers it by reading her diary and blackmails Dave for $2 million by threatening to expose him in, of all things, a screenplay, and then gets busted when he accepts a check.   A check?!  

Okay, let’s break this down.  It’s come to light over the past few days that this isn’t Dave’s first problem with keeping his pants zipped.  Apparently, Dave has a long history as a man-whore.   A producer of a movie he did way back in 1979 revealed that he no sooner arrived on the set than he was banging the crew.    She says she was amazed that he managed to get laid that quickly.   I share her amazement.  I mean, this is a guy who is often confused with Alfred E. Neuman from “Mad” magazine fame.   And I have to confess, I still continue to be surprised by famous men who think they can get away with secretly parking their penises in any garage they want when the whole point of being the receptacle for said celebrity penis is to brag about it  -- even if it’s just in your diary. 

Second, what person over the age of 14 even writes a diary these days?   And even if you were so inclined, why would anyone with an ounce of sense write about an affair they were having with anybody, much less a celebrity, especially if you’re living with your boyfriend at the time.   “Dear Diary, boned Dave again today.  Sure hope no one ever finds out.”  I’d love to know where her extortionist boyfriend found it.  In her “Hello Kitty” sock drawer?   You’d think she would have learned something from  Mark Sanford’s now famous e-mails to his paramour.   It’s completely beyond me why people who cheat continue to document their indiscretions in writing.  This is not called the “information age” for nothing. 

Oh, and the boyfriend is a piece of work, too.   This genius thinks it’s going to add credibility to his threat by writing a screenplay treatment about it.   Screenplay writers have about the same credibility in Hollywood as George W. at a Menses Society gathering. Everyone is a “writer”.   The guy who washes your car has a script to sell.  Did he think some movie studio boss was going to say, “Hey, an exposé of Letterman.  Let’s make this and get our asses sued?”  

And not even in the worst straight-to-DVD-movie ever are you going to see a blackmailer accepting a check.   I mean, really.  Seriously?    Because attempting to deposit a $2 million dollar check from David Letterman at your local B of A branch isn’t going to attract any attention at all. 

It’s really difficult to assess who is the most stupid in this scenario.   Come to think of it, maybe it would make a good movie – a comedy.   Any casting suggestions?    I’m thinking Seth Hogan as the boyfriend. 

8 comments:

Best Wishes, Marie said...

“Blue Dress Award” Jayne, you crack me up. You are "shameless." And I hope you take that as the compliment that it is intended to be.

Best Wishes, Marie said...

I do have to say, at least there were not video tapes.... like Pamela Anderson and Tommy. I think those two deserve a "lifetime acheivement award."

brinkaid said...

So, I'm thinking there was a time in my life when any screw would do. However, I don't think you could even PAY me to do the Dave......let alone tell anyone. Hell, I'd write you a check to keep your mouth shut if you saw me looking like I'd just sobered up under the the man himself. I'm enjoying the show, however, as he's groveling, trying to atone himself to his wife......who should take his money, his kid, and head to his place in Montana..then sit on the porch with a shotgun in case he thinks he still lives there. Just my buck oh two. "Fuck me? Oh no, Dave. Fuck YOU." Makes me smile just thinking about it. :-)

Adam said...

I don't know why this bf thought David would even care to keep it a secret! It's not like he commited a crime, he was just inescrupulous... And who cares about that nowadays? "OMG, he cheated on his fiancée, I'm so shocked". The only person who might care about it was her, but she must already know the douchebag she got engaged to...

Then again, I think Dave could be the one blackmailing the happy couple... If you don't give me a check, I'll tell everyone your gf cheated on you. WITH A GREMLIM, I mean, with me...

Adam (mrelife.blogspot.com)

laughykate said...

“Dear Diary, boned Dave again today. Sure hope no one ever finds out.”

Read this post, had to go out, came back, that line still making me chuckle.

Kristi Stevens said...

"Hello Kitty sock drawer" - classic. My daughter has a messenger bag on which she wrote "Secret Bag". I said, "Honey, here's a tip. If you want to keep something secret, don't label it as such. And if in that bag is your spiral notebook where you write all about the boys you like, I'd move it before you brother reads it." She was really impressed that my mind still possesed the logic to work all that out. She then asked "Where do hide stuff from daddy?" I was all like "Me? Why HONEY I don't hide ANYTHING from daddy." Uh huh :-).

K

Jane Lively said...

Hilarious. Funny is sexy, though. I used to dream about Letterman in his 1990s hey day. Hey, is it just me, or does he look like he got his teeth fixed?

lindamedrano said...

I think I'm so immune to sex scandals any more that unless it involves a person under the age of 16, or a chicken, or Rush and Hillary, I don't even notice. Gay politicians, yeah yeah, cheating pols, yup, okay, but if you throw in an 11 year old boy and a chicken, I'll notice! Dave is a creep,and nobody in their right mind would boink him, Hello Kitty indeed! Great piece Jayne and funny as all get out!

Related Posts with Thumbnails