Sunday, October 4, 2009

injaynesworld here's just a taste of "Last Week's Madness"

Well, it's been quite a week.  After 31 years on the lam, Roman Polanski got arrested and after just one month in the sack with Lamar Odom, Khloe Kardashian got married.  Taking bets here on who gets bailed out first. 
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Already calling it quits after only 15 months of wedded bliss are tennis great, Chris Evert and her husband, what's-his-name-who-cares, totally supporting my argument that if gays aren't allow to marry, straight people shouldn't be allowed to divorce. 
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This week our "Golden Balls" award goes to freshman Democrat, Representative Alan Grayson from Orlando, Florida, who bitch-slapped the Republicans on the floor of the House when he said that the GOP health care plan amounts to "Don't get sick and if you do, die quickly."  When the GOP demanded (whined) an apology, Grayson responded, "I'll apologize to the dead!"  And just when I thought I couldn't love Grayson more, he comes out with this statement on The Ed Schultz Show:  "America is sick of you, Republican party.  You are a lie factory -- that's all you ever do.  Why don't you work together with the Democrats to solve America's problems instead of making stuff up?   I think I may have just had an orgasm. 
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Senator John Ensign (R-NV), of screwing the wife of one of his aide's fame, argued against health care reform saying that it's not fair to say that the U.S. ranks 22nd in the world in preventable deaths because if you take out gun and auto accidents, we really only rank 17th.  Yay!  We're 17th!  We're 17th!  Damn those accident victims.  Making us look bad and then having the nerve to expect medical care. 
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House Minority Leader, John "Bonehead" Boehner (R-OH) said he hasn't met a single American who's told him that they are for a public option.  Yeah, it's kind of hard to hear with your head up your ass. 
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Spawn of Satan, Liz Cheney, appeared at a gathering of Republican women in Nashville alongside GOP brain trust, Joe the Plumber, to further espouse her father's views on an aggressive and interventionist approach to national security, which has worked out so well in the past.  Said to have a "sunnier disposition than Dick" (Hannibal Lector had a sunnier disposition than Dick), Cheney and right-wingnut, Michelle Malkin, were seen exchanging air-kisses, because apparently even Cheney doesn't want to make actual physical contact with Malkin.  A woman from the audience was heard to call out, "I'll pray for your abundance."  I don't think we need to be concerned.  She's a Cheney.  Her father's crooked dealings via Haliburton will pretty much guarantee that. 
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Amidst plummeting ratings, "Jon & Kate Plus 8" has dumped Jon's sorry ass to now officially become "Kate Plus 8", because all-Kate, all the time is so much more enjoyable.  Meanwhile Kate, on the set of her new talk show with Paula (would deep-fry a cube of butter) Deen, broke into sobs saying she hates to be away from her kids, but because of her divorce she has to now work to support them.  And here I thought being a kiddie-pimp was a full-time job.  Jon's response was to get a court order to shut down the show.  Suddenly getting all "Father Knows Best" on us, he professed to Larry King that he'd had an "epiphany" that exploiting his children on TV might not actually be in their bests interests.  Yeah, especially if you're no longer lining your pocket from it.  
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A big Happy Birthday shout out to Barbara Walters who turned 80 last week -- a living testament to a lifetime of eating foods high in preservatives. 
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And last, but certainly least:  Sarah Palin's memoir "Goint Rogue" will be out on November 17th.  Presumably, it will include pop-ups. 

As always, feel free to add your own personal favorites...

14 comments:

Kimberly said...

Great round up!
I wish Joe the Plumber would drop off the face of the earth already. He is an embarrassment to my home town! His moniker is old & tired too! His real name is NOT Joe and he is NOT a plumber!

Adam said...

Hey Jayne!

Thanks for keeping me up-to-dated! And thanks for including us guys!!!

I received your mail, and if you change your mind, let me know!!!

Adam (mrelife.blogspot.com)

LucyCooper said...

If gays aren't allowed to marry, straight people shouldn't be allowed to divorce. LOVE IT. May I have that in a bumper sticker, please?

laughykate said...

Ya what? You mean Mr and Mrs Smug-Tanned-So-Much-In-Love have separated? I saw them giving an interview (what seemed about) only five minutes ago where they gushed so much about each other, it made me feel a bit vomity?

Crikey.

Best Wishes, Marie said...

wow! reading all this has me out of breath. I loved this, "I'll apologize to the dead." For the most part the consistent thread is that everyone is about themselves. And not a good "live and let live" way.

Best Wishes, Marie said...

personal favorite. dave letterman's confessional after a dumb idiot tried to blackmail him for having sex. um ....

Best Wishes, Marie said...

jayne, kate was on the today show crying that she does not have enough money to pay her bills.

Contemplations of an Army Wife said...

Kiddie pimp....

Once again, you're awesome.

Lucy said...

Love this! Your comments on each item are dead-on!

lindamedrano said...

I agree with you so much it scares me! Am I turning left after all these years in neutral?

Kanani said...

Good round up. I wasn't aware of all of these things. But ummmm........ will try to forget many of them!

Jane Lively said...

I dare one of you to read sarah palin's book... just one of you ... come one. Anyone?

Best Wishes, Marie said...

jane lively, personally -- i am holding out for levi johnston's book.

Kristi Stevens said...

Oh Jane.. I'll be reading Palin's book... how else am I supposed to be able to appropriately translate it into a little thing I like to call English? Just wait.. I'm taking your double dog dare and am thinking about a daily quote from the book over on my blog - with appropriate commentary from me, of course.

Oh, Oh, Oh... and perhaps I could do Friday night live tweets from my reading. I'd be the funniest thing on Twitter with that material. Of course each Tweet would have to be marked with #tcot :-).

K

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