If I just had another me who would finish taking down the Christmas decorations I could stop feeling foolish when folks stop by. I could have read a friend's story in a timely manner so as to avoid hurt feelings. And remember that New Year’s post I wrote where I made all those “vows” to get the paper clutter in my life under control? That sound you hear is God laughing.
I would have an alter self to do my daily job, too, so that on a sunny day like today (apologies to those of you still snow bound) I could be outside riding a horse, or sitting at a sidewalk café, drinking coffee and reading one of the many books that I keep meaning to get to. Or maybe I’d even start writing that book I’ve been telling myself is somewhere inside me waiting to burst forth and make me a literary darling so I could be on the “Ellen” show because she’s all hip and cool and gay and I do love my gays.
And what I wouldn't give for an alter self who would do the laundry. You wouldn’t think it would be so hard to get to. It’s not like I have to go to a laundromat. There’s an old, albeit perfectly good, washer and dryer just off my kitchen. Still, I will wear the same clothes day after day, always telling myself that this will be the night I do the laundry right after I’m done with work, but then I’m tired and there's wine that needs drinking and then I’m hungry and then… Besides, another perk to being single? Personal hygiene. Not such an issue.
Mostly, I’d like an alter self who would just pee every five minutes for me. If I had the time back that I spend peeing, I probably wouldn’t need any alter selves. That and standing in lines. Grocery store? Alter self. Post office? Alter self. All-you-can-eat buffet on Easter Sunday at the Marriott? Alter self. Yeah, forget that last one. That’s just a bad idea altogether.
But you get my drift here, right?
Leave a comment if you have the time. Alter selves also welcome…
