Not a “Happy Meal…”
Dateline: Australia. Look at that sad little face. A mother down under told police she was “sickened” when she took her family for burgers only to find this crude drawing of a penis inside the container. Some dastardly lad, no doubt inspired by Justin Timberlake, decided to try his own hand (no pun intended) at putting a dick in a box. “If someone would do this, what else did they do to my burger?” Eww...
On the plus side, it does look like they gave her extra pickles.
Holy Cracker Jacks Batman!
While in Utah another woman also got more than she bargained for when she bought an off-brand box of tampons “because they were cheap.” Upon opening the box to use her purchase, she instead found each individual applicator stuffed with cocaine. Oops! Wrong cavity!
Well, damn. All I’ve ever found in a box was a cheap, plastic whistle.
First of all, let me just say that I do not understand “gay Republicans…”
Closeted, repressed individuals who clearly hate themselves? I got it. But openly gay? Really? WTF’s up with that?
This week Romney’s campaign advisor on foreign affairs, Richard Grenell, quit his position after coming under attack by the leader of the right-wing homophobic American Family Association who called his selection a "shout-out to the homosexual lobby."
My outrage is somewhat tempered by some of Grenell’s tweets, which portray him as a bit of an asshole: “Hillary is starting to look like Madeleine Albright,” “Michelle Obama working out and sweating on the East Room carpet,” and asking if Callista Gingrich’s hair “snaps on” (Okay. That one could be a little bit funny.)
But the point is there was no public statement of support for Grenell from the Romney campaign.
So this week when President Obama suggested that Mitt “spine-of-an-amoeba” Romney may not have had the huevos to go after Osama Bin Laden and everyone was all up his ass with, “Oh no you didn’t…” claiming it was a political hit below the belt...
... Clearly, there is nothing below Romney’s belt.
So now we don’t even have time to get drunk anymore?
Yes, even that age-old, time-consuming tradition of tossing back a few has fallen victim to our fast-moving society with its obsession with high-speed everything.
One spray of “Quantum Sensations” can render you stupid drunk in just seconds and with no hangover, too. Since each intoxicating spray only lasts a few minutes, you can even drive yourself home. No more waking up the following morning next to Quasimodo and wondering what the hell happened. A little pricey at $26 per fashionable aluminum tube, but really – what’s your time worth?
The spray will be available to Europeans this summer but, like universal health care, those of us in the U.S. will just have to wait.
Finally, in the spirit of cinco de Mayo…
Your turn... Comments?