Who would have ever bet they’d see the day when the
Why divorce after 40 years? What on earth is the point? Seems like if you’ve stuck it out this long you can hang in there a bit longer. I mean, once you’re in your sixties that “Till death do us part” stuff is right around the corner. You really want to spend your golden years training someone new?
Come on, Tipper. I know you’re probably still smarting from that convention kiss in 2000 where Al tongued you to your toes and the world let out a collective “Ewwww…” but seriously, the guy has a Nobel Prize and an Oscar. You really think you’re going to do better? You two were high school sweethearts. You’ve never even been out in the dating world as an adult. It’s brutal, Tipper. When was the last time you had to worry about a condom? Yeah, girlfriend, you’ve gotta bag it these days. You don’t know where that thing's been.
And Al… dear goofy Al. I know you’re hanging with the
Hollywood crowd now and those young boobs babes look mighty attractive, but seriously, the inconvenient truth is you’re really a bore, man. Oh, sure, Megan Fox may want her picture taken with you to give to her parents, but she ain’t gonna be warmin’ your globes any time soon, believe me.
The spin is you two have simply grown apart – like that’s a bad thing. I say you’ve got the best of both worlds.
Seriously, kids, you're breakin' my heart here. Rethink this divorce business. Just go out and have an affair like everyone else.