Who is this cyber bitch and why is she following me? She always seems to know where I’m going and manages to be there waiting when I arrive. Try as I might, I can’t shake her.
Since I’m of a “certain age,” I will admit to a bit of shall we say "extra" around the middle. It’s where that which might have otherwise found itself comfortably ensconced on my ass has migrated. Still, it’s not exactly a flotation device and I truly feel I’m being unfairly targeted.
I wonder how I attracted this unwanted attention in the first place. An innocent search for the best prices on Spanx maybe? Did I inadvertently “like” Demi Moore, the emaciated version, on Facebook? Maybe it was that free "Abs of Steel" offer.
I was on HuffPo this morning when there she was again, this time warning me that belly fat could cause dementia. Hmm… That might explain my propensity to set down objects only to find moments later that they’ve disappeared. Or my encounters with acquaintances in the produce aisle – people whose names I know as well as my own, but can’t recall for the life of me until I get home and blurt out “Shelley!” only to realize that I’ve forgotten the tomatoes, which was my whole reason for going to the damn store in the first place.
Unable to bring myself to click on the ad, I’m not even sure what it is she’s selling. I’m simply offended by her presence and I want her to go away.
Who's stalking you these days? Maybe we could trade.