Recently, eHarmony – the no-photos-because-we’re-all-deep-and-meaningful dating site – was offering free sign-ups for three days. Since I am nothing if not a ho for free stuff, I figured what the hell? Besides, I always wondered about that magical questionnaire they tout so highly – the one that supposedly reveals the “real” you and promises to match you with someone compatible and, presumably, also real.
Have you ever filled one of those things out? It took over a damn hour. There was stuff on there that even I didn’t want to know about myself. But hey, I’m a good sport, so I fill it out, hit “submit,” pour myself a glass of wine, and sit back to wait for my Mr. Right to come tumbling out of my computer screen asking, “Where have you been all my life?”
Imagine my surprise when I get this message:
“Sorry. We’ve found no matches for you in our database.”
They have a data base of millions of people the world over and not one of them was a match? Not ONE?! How hard is it to find a rich, old, impotent guy with a heart condition and no heirs? Seriously. I’d be a real prize for a guy like that.
I guess it just goes to show, you do get what you pay for.
Happy freakin’ Valentine’s Day.