Which brings us to hot: Chile peppers, jalapenos, cayenne pepper. Don’t even go there. Call me unreasonable, but I don’t believe Novocain should be required as an appetizer.
It was a night of Olympic watching, the year Nancy Kerrigan rose to more fame than she would ever see again for being whacked on the knee. I was with two of my friends, drinking wine and wolfing down Chinese food from an array of open cartons.
“Why?! Why?!” Kerrigan had sobbed into camera, a clip that kind of lost its impact after the 112th viewing.
Bitches that we were, we laughed at her.
All was merry, until I dug my fork into carton of benign-looking beef. It only took one bite…
My mouth burst into flames. No, really. Actual flames. Would I lie? Fluids began rushing from places on my body that I didn’t even know had exits.
“Cut out my tongue! Cut it out! Cut it out!” I screamed, as I rolled on the floor in agony.
My so-called friends were also rolling on the floor, also screaming, also shedding copious amounts of fluids – IN LAUGHTER!
I frantically pointed to the tiny red little bastard I had spit across the room.
“You ate one of those?!!” BAHAHAHA! “They’re just for decoration!” BAHAHAHA!
WTF?! Parsley is a decoration!
If something is served in my food, I assume I can eat it. Is that so wrong? And why isn’t there a damn warning label on the carton? A simple drawing of one of these things with a big red line through it would have sufficed. It’s not like I was a newby to Chinese food. I’d eaten it all my life without encountering one of those things.
Suddenly, I knew how Nancy Kerrigan felt. You’re just walking along one minute, minding your own business and WHACK!
As I sat on the floor, stunned and guzzling down Chardonnay straight from the bottle, I could only sob, “Why?! Why?!”
From today’s “30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge” prompt “one bite.” It’s still not too late for you to join us over at We Work for Cheese. Jump in anytime. We’re a fun bunch.