Monday, November 30, 2009

injaynesworld "We Don't Do Guilt Trips..."


The surest way to get me to not do something is to guilt-trip me about doing it. 

Being a recovering Catholic, I’m pretty sensitive to guilt.  After all, I was barely five years old when I learned that I was a sinner and personally responsible for the death of Jesus and I have to say, that’s a helluva thing to lay on a kid. 


Of course, like any other recovery program, you never actually recover.   The sight of a nun, even Sally Field playing one on TV, can still set me off in a raging case of hives, but I have gotten better at handling guilt-trippers. (Not to be confused with the Beatles’ “Day-Trippers,” and if you don’t remember the Beatles, you need to leave now.)

Where was I…?   Oh , right.  Guilt-trippers.   Whereas in the past they could actually succeed in making me feel guilty some of the time, now I just get pissed off because I realize what a sad-assed attempt at manipulation guilt really is, and it makes me want to get as far away from the perpetrator of said guilt as possible. 

This post actually relates to another I wrote some time back called “The Power of No” and will probably make more sense to you if you click on the link, go read “The Power of No” and then come back.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait.  I have to pee anyway…

Back?... Good.   See, here’s my point.  At this time of year -- especially at this time of year -- when the pressure to please is as pervasive as the pressure to spend, it would seem like a good time to reclaim our right and our power to say no if we want to without feeling all responsible for how shitty someone else chooses to feel about it. 

At my age, I know I’ve earned that right, but you don’t have to be an old fart to claim it for yourself.  

Happy Guilt-Free Holidays.

If you don’t leave a comment, you will be personally responsible for ruining my day… Just messin’ with ya.  ;)


Sunday, November 29, 2009

injaynesworld a short, but sweet "Sunday Recap..."

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Not that there wasn't just a bunch of stuff to write about.  Blonds took center stage, first with White House party crasher/wanna-be reality star, Michaele Salahi & hubby, and then not-to-be-outdone, Elin Woods, wife of Tiger, who wailed on his ass for cheating on her.

And giving brunettes a bad  name, Sarah Palin, the quintessential quitter, did it again, this time dropping out of a 5K "turkey trot" race on Thanksgiving Day because "she wanted to avoid the crowds waiting for her at the end."  Oh, yeah... because here's a woman who definitely goes out of her way to avoid attention.

But here's my personal favorite:  


Dubbed "Geezer Bandit" for his robbery of several banks in the San Diego area, if anyone deserves his own reality show, it's this guy... I see a book and movie deal, too.  In fact, I may just give him this week's "Golden Balls" award.  

Holiday happenings and my real job make this a shorter than usual "Recap," but I'm not going to feel guilty about it and tomorrow you'll find out why.

If you leave a comment the calories you consumed this week won't count.
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Friday, November 27, 2009

injaynesworld "Jayne Is Nowhere To Be Found..."

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That's because today I'm over here...WOW Women On Writing  doing a guest post and sharing some of my thoughts on writing.

Drop on by.   I'd love to see a friendly face.
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

injaynesworld "Friends Don't Take No For An Answer..."

The holidays are upon us again along with the need, desire and, all-too-often, obligation to purchase gifts.  For many of us, funds are limited and the pressure to spend despite that fact can feel like a pile of bricks sitting on your chest.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love Christmas.  I always buy an 8-ft tree and every year for the last 15 or so I’ve had a big tree-trimming party to kick off the season.  I have hundreds of decorations that I’ve collected over the years.   As I carefully unwrap each ornament to hang on the tree it’s like greeting an old friend, and I’m sure I break every fire code in the county with the number of lights I put on, but I do love a big, bright tree.   By the end of the evening, our wine-and-food saturated group can be proud of their handiwork and, as the tallest person in the room gets to put the star on the very top, the round of rowdy applause can probably be heard throughout our little valley. 

This year I realized that I would not be able to afford my party, nor the 8-foot tree.  I sent out an e-mail to all my friends, explaining that the Grinch had put the kibosh on any notion of our traditional gathering.    It was hard to do and embarrassing to have to admit to everyone how tapped out I was.   However, it would seem that my friends had other ideas and I was soon to find out that e-mails had flown around the group like Santa’s sleigh.   All arrangements for the party were being taken care of, the food, the wine, even the purchase of the tree.   The date was decided and I was informed that I’d better be dressed for it because the party was on and they were showing up.

It’s often said that there are some things money can’t buy.   The gift of true friendship is one of them.    I am overwhelmed by their love and generosity.  

And this year, the Grinch can just kiss my ass…   

If you leave a comment you will make my season bright. 

Thank you.   Now head on over to "Unmitigated, Life Without Filters,"  where I’ve been interviewed today by Mary Wyatt, and learn more about me than you ever wanted to know.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

injaynesworld it's time for another "Sunday Recap..."

Citing a price dispute, Costco announced that they would no longer be carrying Coke...   But fear not, Costco will continue to carry an abundant supply of crack, heroin and weed.

Kellogg Co. says there will be a nationwide shortage of its popular Eggo frozen waffles until next summer because of interruptions in production at two of the four plants where they're made, sending Glenn Beck into an meltdown of rage and tears, "Is there no end to Obama's evil?"

Martha Stewart slapped down Racheal Ray this week, saying the ever-bubbly Ray "could not hold a candle to her in the kitchen."   Ray very smartly responded, "She's right.  I'd rather eat Martha's food..."  because you don't mess with a bitch who can make a lethal weapon out of a tampon.

Big news of the week was Oprah's announcement of her 18-month good-bye tour, creating a major run on Prozac.  "Say it isn't so!"  her fans cried.   Good news.  It actually isn't.  Oprah, that smartest of all smart cookies, when faced with declining ratings, consistent  Emmy losses to Ellen, and an announcement from her syndicators that they would be cutting the money they now pay her, did what any media kazillionaire would do.  She bought herself a  network.  That's right, the Oprah Winfrey Network or OWN, as in "I own freakin' everything,"  will be up and running right around the time her current contract is up.  Take that, Ellen...


Saving the best for last, this week our "Golden Balls Award" goes to 10-year-old Will  Phillips from that bastion of liberal thought (not) Washington County, Arkansas, for refusing to say the Pledge of Allegiance until there is marriage equality for all in this country. Clearly, not your average 10-year-old, Will skipped a grade this year, going directly from third to fifth.   The video speaks for itself.  Let me just say that with kids like Will around, I feel much more hopeful that one day we just might have "justice for all."






If you leave a comment a red state will turn blue.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

injaynesworld we are "Cruisin' With The Top Down..."


My first car was a 1967 powder blue Triumph Spitfire with a white convertible top.  It cost all of $2500 new.  I bought it when I graduated from high school.   I put $500 down and paid about $72 each month.   Gas was about a quarter a gallon and the thing ran on air.   It was fun, fast, sexy, definitely cool and I felt like major hot stuff zooming around town at the wheel.   






Especially after I’d spent my high school years driving this, a reasonable portrayal of my mom’s 1958 Rambler Ambassador station wagon.  





It was humiliating.  You could polish that puppy till it blinded you.   It was still the definition of “uncool.” 

So cruising the A & W drive-in in my spiffy, new, dude-magnet with the music blasting was definitely sah-weeeeet.   It was my first experience with a stick-shift and I took to it like a seasoned NASCAR superstar.  Oh, yeah.  Pop that clutch and I was gone.  Eat my dust  people… Fortunately, this was before the days when cops had radar. 

I’d just turned 18, the luggage birthday, and my life as an adult (legally anyway, I’ve never truly copped to it) was just beginning.  No longer could anyone not carrying a badge tell me what to do.  Not that my mom had ever done much of that.  Or that I ever listened when she tried.   In fact, if my mother taught me anything about respecting authority it was… yeah… can’t think of a damn thing.  

The time was the late 60’s-early 70s.  The place, San Francisco.  The birth control pill had just been invented and “sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll” were the order of the day.   I named my Spitfire “Spit.”  I was stoned a lot of the time back in those days and needed a name that was easy to remember, especially since I often misplaced the actual car. 

I lived in what was then the Starbucks-free village of Mill Valley in Marin County.  Saturdays, Spit would often take me and a friend up to the top of Mount Tamalpais where we’d park, then drop acid and hike all the way down the Dixie Canyon Trail to Bolinas beach.  Depending on how ripped we were, it would take between one and three hours.  Once there, we’d make our way to the one and only bar where we’d drink beer all afternoon, then hitchhike back up to the top of Mount Tam, pick up Spit and cruise on home to an evening of Sara Lee chocolate cake and the Moody Blues.   This was still an innocent time when you could do such things without fear of your body being found half-cannibalized years later in the basement of some loon.. 

Monday through Friday, Spit would speed me across the Golden Gate Bridge to San Francisco’s Tenderloin District, a hub of junkies and hookers, where I worked in a non-descript building that housed a recording studio and mingled daily with musicians from the Jefferson Airplane, Creedence Clearwater, CSN&Y, and my personal favorite, Santana.   Nights were spent at hidden away little blues clubs in North Beach where Spit never once failed to find me a parking spot despite the heavy odds against us.   Weekends would find us at the Fillmore rockin’ to the likes of Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix, admission $3 plus you got a really cool poster.   Somehow, Spit always managed to get me safely home, although many times I had no personal recall of the journey.  I look back on those days now and marvel that I’m still alive. 

Spit carried me for the last time in 1972.  Her final months were a series of breakdowns and malfunctions that caused Triple A to banish us for all time.  I ended up selling her to my mechanic for $50.  He promised she would go live on a nice farm in the country and spend her remaining days roaming and playing with all the family dogs whose children had been assured of the same thing. 

To this day I still have dreams of Spit -- that magically there she is, all polished and new -- and together once again, we cruise the drive-ins of our youth, sucking back on a joint and listening to the tunes of The Grateful Dead.   Good times…

If you leave a comment chocolate will fall like rain.

Monday, November 16, 2009

injaynesworld we chat with Ann Imig of ann's rants...


Ann started her blog, ann's rants,  in October 2008 as a way to distract her ovaries from demanding that she once again conceive something.  Now, having recently celebrated her one-year bloggerversary, she has attracted 243 loyal followers and succeeded in keeping her womb fetus-free.  Today we welcome her to injaynesworld for a brief chat...

IJW:  Good morning, Ann.   May I offer you a latte?   A Chai tea maybe?  It does seem a little early for wine, but what the hell.  I won’t tell if you won’t. 

Ann:  I do love chai tea, and now wonder how it would taste with a splash of Meyer’s spiced rum…

IJW:  I was excited to get your name for this interview because you have quite a collection of tiny heads who follow you, and I’m proud to be among them, and because you really are a damn good writer.   So let the games begin, shall we?  

Ann:  Yes, but first thank you and second, you are a damn good writer. Proceed.

  1. When did you first begin writing and what inspired you to do so? I chronicled most of my childhood and young adulthood in journals. Sadly, I cannot locate the journal that spanned age 9 through 17. When I do, I have big plans to share it with the blogosphere ala Cringe

  1. The blogging world seems saturated with “mommybloggers,”  and after a while many of them sound pretty much the same.   How have you managed to differentiate yourself from the pack as you have? Everyone blogs for different reasons. Blogs can be an easy, convenient way to update loved ones about your family, share photos and recipes, show your boobs etc… I began blogging with the specific intent of organizing my writing practice and in hopes of finding a wider audience than my two friends who used to read my rants via email, and my Mom who still actually reads my blog. Intermitantly.  My two friends? They still love me, but a year later they have better things to do with their very busy lives.

  1. Can you talk a little about your writing process?   For example, how much editing do you do from first draft to published post? How I wish I could say I ramble off a post in fifteen minutes without much thought. Sadly, I’m a perfectionist. Not the kind that produces typo-free posts, but the kind that has to stop myself from analyzing and editing ad nauseum. In theory, every time I have an idea, I stick it in a word document. Then days or months later, I go back and use all or part or none of it in a post. In practice, I tell myself I don’t have to put the idea in a word doc—that I’ll remember it, at which point the idea disappears forever into the nether region of my brain that responds “Vinnie Barbarino!” when asked what day it is.

  1. You recently celebrated your first blogging anniversary and wrote an excellent piece about what other bloggers can expect at that milestone.   What were your goals for your blog when you first started? My first goal was to showcase my boobs, but then I realized I no longer had any. My second goal was to write a humor blog—to make every post funny so people knew what they were getting when they came to annsrants. I made a conscious decision to keep my personal struggles personal, unless I used them in a humorous context (which often happens)

  1. I notice you don’t have any ads on your blog.   Any comment? I am an anti-ad activist. (Kidding, I was actually in TV ad sales for 4 years) I think I’m on the waiting list for BlogHer ads, but I’m honestly not sure. I’m not focused on the business of blogging, and how to make money on my blog. My goal is to focus on writing. Many people do both successfully. If I start focusing on making money, I will obsess even more about how many people are reading, and how many are clicking and how depressing it is to get a check for 31 cents.

  1. I’m a new blogger, having just started in August of this year.   What advice would you give newbies, like myself, for growing an audience? Unless your blog is hugely popular, blogging involves reciprocity. To get an audience you have to read and comment on a lot of blogs, so they will read and comment on yours. My advice is to keep searching until you find blogs you love, to make this reading/commenting process feel more like you’re building a relationship, and less like you are on a never-ending cold calling bender in hell “Hi there! Nice Header! Dude, I have those EXACT same TWEEZERS! Loveyoumeanit”

  1. You’ve written some charming interviews with yourself as a teenager.  If you could interview 80-year-old Ann, what would you like to say to her? I am praying she does all the talking and hoping to God that she has some wisdom to share with me, but what I’m hearing 80-year-old Ann say to 35-year-old Ann  is “SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

IJW:  Thanks for stopping by, Ann.  

Ann:  Thank you, Jayne. And I love the funky way you spell Jane. Or your Mom spelled Jayne. Now I really sound like a cold-caller, Jayne. Sorry, Jayne. Super fun. Thanks!




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