Sunday, April 22, 2012

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

The world lost a true gentleman this week with the passing of Dick Clark at 82. 

No matter what else was going on, come 4pm my mom knew she’d find me in front of our small black-and-white TV, dancing to the beat of “Dick Clark and American Bandstand.”  Back then, I couldn’t have imagined that one day I’d  have the honor of meeting and working with Mr. Clark when we developed a TV series together.  Like many other young hopefuls, he gave me my start.  I recall how nervous and excited I was anticipating our first meeting in the executive offices at ABC.  He was as kind and friendly in person as he always appeared on TV.   I wish I could recall every word of that conversation, but I think I blanked out after shaking his hand.   

I met many “stars” in my years in the biz, but none shined as genuinely and brightly as Dick Clark.   His light will be deeply missed.  


On the other end of the human spectrum is Ted Nugent…

You might recall back in 2008 when he called then candidate Obama “a piece of shit,” while holding up a machine gun and telling Obama to “suck on this.”   Good.  We’re all up to date.

Fast forward to 2012, where we find Mitt Romney seeking out Nugent’s endorsement because really, what candidate for leader of the free world wouldn’t want this guy by his side?   However,  before Nugent would give Romney his highly-coveted stamp of approval, he extracted a couple of promises from the candidate:  No new gun laws and – oh, yeah – keep that damn “Fish and Wildlife Service” in line, too -- demands Romney called “logical,” and the deal was done.

But alas, little Tagg Romney's excitement was to be short-lived.  While appearing before the National Rifle Association, this week, Nugent fired off this gem:  “If Barack Obama becomes president again in November, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”

Oopsie.  Quick!  To the Etch-A-Sketch!:  “The campaign never asked for Nugent’s endorsement."  (But we can’t help noticing that “the campaign” is not rejecting it either.)   The official campaign response:    “Divisive language…”  (Seriously?  That's what you're calling it?)  “… is offensive no matter what side of the political aisle it comes from.  Mitt Romney (who apparently can’t speak for himself) believes everyone needs to be civil.”

Way to have a spine, Mitt!  Tea and crumpets anyone?


This week the Grand Old Party said a big “Oh, hell no!” to the “Buffett Rule Bill…”

… which, by increasing the tax rate of those earning over a million dollars to 30%, would have corrected a giant tax loophole that currently allows millionaires to pay a lower tax rate than those who toil as their secretaries.

Oh, and they’re not going to end subsidies to big oil either. 

So where is the money going to come from to plug that deficit hole they’re always screaming about ?  Poor people, of course!  You remember those folks?  The ones who used to be middle-class.  

House Speaker, John Boehner lamented, “We have to make hard decisions...”

Yeah, and it’s clearly easier to take from the folks who are not lining your pockets than from those who are.


What’s a gal to do?

You go to a concert, get wasted, meet some cute dude with a Mohawk, bang him in a bathroom stall and wind up with an unintended souvenir.    Hey – it could happen to anyone.   In this case, the mom-to-be took to Craig’s List Missed Connections to announce the joyous news:

Me:  Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, knee high black biker boots
You:  Red Mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings

Anyway, I’m pregnant.  It’s yours.  Contact me if you want to be part of your child’s life.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say not likely, girlfriend.  And while many on the “right” will applaud your decision to go ahead with this pregnancy, don’t look to any of them for help once the kid is out of your womb and you’re wondering how you’re going to feed it. 


In entertainment news…

Cop a feel?   Not if you’re in China…

… where government film censors have edited the 3D version of “Titanic” out of concern that Winslet’s nude scene, where she poses for Leo DiCaprio, will be too realistic:   “Considering the vivid 3D effects, we fear that viewers may reach out their hands for a touch and thus interrupt other people’s viewing, so we’ve decided to cut off the nudity scenes.”

Only if they’re ripped on weed.  
In a reversal worthy of note, neighboring India, which had censored out the controversial scene in the film’s 1997 release, is restoring it to full and enhanced glory this time around.  

Indian border guards will be on the lookout for Chinese wearing 3D glasses.


Meanwhile, in Fucking, Austria…

No, that wasn’t a slur on the country, although the 104 folks living in the hamlet of, yes, “Fucking” Austria, probably wish it was.   To be fair, locals pronounce it “Foo-king,” which is such an improvement.  Named after a 6th Century nobleman named Focko, the current spelling was adopted in the 18th Century, clearly by some mad comic visionary.  Actually, the town’s name went largely unremarked upon and the residents lived in peace until the end of World War II when U.S. troops (Why is it always us?) happened upon the place and behaved like 14-year-olds.

Now the town can’t replace road signs fast enough, although local gifts shops have seen a boom in the sale of postcards. 

Recently, elected officials have decided it’s finally time to change the town’s name.  All they need now is for the Fucking residents to agree.


And finally...

Republican candidates aren’t born.  They’re made.  View secret footage from the training camp where young, Republican presidential hopefuls are formed for future greatness.

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