So I went for my
I attribute my good health in part to avoiding
doctors, many who seem to take it as a personal failure if they can’t find
something wrong with you. You have to
pretty much scrape me off the ground to get me to a doctor, which has been known to happen.
But good genes deserve their due, as well. Luck of the draw there. So far, I’ve managed to give any serious
illness the slip, despite my years of questionable food choices. Coca-Cola by-the-case as a child and a steady
intake of bologna sandwiches on Wonder Bread with potato chips smashed inside
for crunchy goodness leave me marveling that I even made it to adulthood. Say what you will about the chemical industry,
I suspect all those preservatives in the food I ate back then did their
job. The number of Twinkies I consumed
alone should guarantee a life span of 100 years.
Alas, my idea of nourishment as an adult wasn’t much
better. For years I ate a large bowl of
heavily buttered and salted popcorn at least three times a week for dinner,
followed by ice cream for dessert. I
would tell myself it was one of the few perks of being a grown-up.
It’s only been the last decade or so that I’ve
changed my ways. I’d like to say that I have
matured and now realize the importance of whole grains, fresh fruit, and green
vegetables to a healthy body. The truth
is I discovered that “after a certain age” the body’s efficiency at burning off
that package of double-chocolate chip cookies wanes like a flame in a
windstorm. The change is subtle at
first. Clothes shrink in the dryer all the time. Then one day I could deny it no more: The sharp hip bones that I could always count
on to gouge my way through any shoe sale crowd at Nordstrom’s had vanished,
along with an unobstructed view of my lady parts. Sure, I still had a size four ass, but only
because the fat had migrated to my stomach.
Oh, the betrayal!
Vanity more than health concerns have been the
deciding factor in switching to a diet now (mostly) void of all foods the color
of white. Broccoli is my new bff. Cheese and crackers have (mostly) morphed
into cheese on crisp celery. Chicken and
fish (mostly) suffice for my protein needs.
Carrots and hummus (mostly) fill in nicely for chips and dip. Sautéed has become the new fried.
I figure if I eat sensibly that still affords me the
luxury of drinking all the wine I want. This,
of course, is not true, but it is what I tell myself, along with touting the
grape’s antioxidant benefits probably far beyond the findings of science. The same goes for dark chocolate.
Because what’s the point of living to be 100 if
you can’t have a little fun?
