Wednesday, June 4, 2014

injaynesworld it's "Body Talk..."

So I went for my annual, semi-annual, once-every-decade-or-so physical exam.  Turns out I have the blood pressure of an 18-year-old and I’m kicking cholesterol’s ass.  Not bad for a broad with Medicare clearly in her sites.  

I attribute my good health in part to avoiding doctors, many who seem to take it as a personal failure if they can’t find something wrong with you.  You have to pretty much scrape me off the ground to get me to a doctor, which has been known to happen. 

But good genes deserve their due, as well.  Luck of the draw there.  So far, I’ve managed to give any serious illness the slip, despite my years of questionable food choices.  Coca-Cola by-the-case as a child and a steady intake of bologna sandwiches on Wonder Bread with potato chips smashed inside for crunchy goodness leave me marveling that I even made it to adulthood.  Say what you will about the chemical industry, I suspect all those preservatives in the food I ate back then did their job.  The number of Twinkies I consumed alone should guarantee a life span of 100 years.

Alas, my idea of nourishment as an adult wasn’t much better.  For years I ate a large bowl of heavily buttered and salted popcorn at least three times a week for dinner, followed by ice cream for dessert.  I would tell myself it was one of the few perks of being a grown-up. 

It’s only been the last decade or so that I’ve changed my ways.  I’d like to say that I have matured and now realize the importance of whole grains, fresh fruit, and green vegetables to a healthy body.  The truth is I discovered that “after a certain age” the body’s efficiency at burning off that package of double-chocolate chip cookies wanes like a flame in a windstorm.  The change is subtle at first.  Clothes shrink in the dryer all the time.  Then one day I could deny it no more:  The sharp hip bones that I could always count on to gouge my way through any shoe sale crowd at Nordstrom’s had vanished, along with an unobstructed view of my lady parts.  Sure, I still had a size four ass, but only because the fat had migrated to my stomach.  Oh, the betrayal!

Vanity more than health concerns have been the deciding factor in switching to a diet now (mostly) void of all foods the color of white.  Broccoli is my new bff.  Cheese and crackers have (mostly) morphed into cheese on crisp celery.  Chicken and fish (mostly) suffice for my protein needs.   Carrots and hummus (mostly) fill in nicely for chips and dip.  Sautéed has become the new fried.

I figure if I eat sensibly that still affords me the luxury of drinking all the wine I want.  This, of course, is not true, but it is what I tell myself, along with touting the grape’s antioxidant benefits probably far beyond the findings of science.  The same goes for dark chocolate. 

Because what’s the point of living to be 100 if you can’t have a little fun? 

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