Friday, September 25, 2009

injaynesworld "Hindsight Is the Booby Prize

“Go Back.  You Are Going The Wrong Way.”

This is my all-time favorite highway road sign.  I smile every time I see it.   If only everything in life was this simple.   But instead we get useless drivel like “hindsight is 20/20.”    Yeah,  but you see, if I’ve already driven my life off the freakin’ cliff that’s not really very helpful now, is it.   How about a little foresight once in a while, huh?

Why do we always have to crash and burn to learn our lessons in life?     Human beings have notoriously bad judgment.   We do really stupid things.   All the time.   We’re like those little wind-up toys that walk into walls.   So why would  a God who is supposed to be all-knowing ever consider giving us free will?    Is God the ultimate punkster?    I sometimes have a vision of Him sucking back on a bong and laughing His ass off, but only when I’m really pissed off about something that, in hindsight, I realize was a colossal clusterfuck which, with a little foresight, I could have avoided completely. 

What about a simple handbook that grows with you in the womb and pops out with the placenta?    Would that really be so much to ask?   A personal guide to life which, if followed, would at least give you a fighting chance with warnings like:

 “No man ever pulled out in time.”   

 “Your trailer park, like all others, will be in the path of a tornado.”

“Women with fat thighs should not wear mini-skirts.   This goes for women over 50, too, unless you’re Tina Turner.  Failure to heed will result in painful ridicule.” 

Had I been able to read in my own personal handbook that on April 4th, 2006, a combination of new high-heels, too little food and copious amounts of tequila would result in a fall where I would break my neck, I might have modified my behavior that night.   Maybe at least had some chips with all that tequila.   Something.   To those who would say, “Why sure, common sense would tell you that,” I repeat, because this cannot be stressed strongly enough, “Human beings have notoriously bad judgment.”   

I can think of endless ways such a guide would come in handy for me.    What would  yours have to say?



Contemplations of an Army Wife said...

Mine would say "you're not exempt, genetics really are a bitch", and "That first husband? Yeah, don't marry him". And that's not even into chapter one. That's my dedication.

Nel said...

I usually take my gut instincts and do the exact opposite. Because that is how good my judgement is.

Kim Ayres said...

One of the best quotes I ever heard (if only I could remember where) was, "Experience is something you gain immediately after you needed it most."

I find myself using that one a lot...

Kristi said...

Mine would say, "Fuck no you're not buying that. If you don't have the money for it now, you won't have the money for it later." I'm fairly certain I'm still paying on a cheesburger from 1991.

Adam said...

I'm confused here...It might be tempting to spare me from painful experiences, but wouldn't that make me a different person than I am today? Would I have grown?

Adam (

Jayne Martin said...

Interesting comment, Adam, and something to think about.

Tawnia said...

Mine would say To Others:If your boobs hang out of the top of your bra, that means it's too small. If he won't go on a date with you then it is a very bad idea to have sex with him. Slow traffic to the right!
To Myself: Do the opposite of everything you have ever done in your entire life!!!!
Love Tawnia

Aunt Becky said...

Mine would say, "This is not an exit."

Linda Medrano said...

Don't go to bed with that girl and do not loan money to that man!

Best Wishes, Marie said...

somehow, as i struggle to work on me. and i have some regrets about some choices. mainly delays in action.

there are certain people in my life that i "got away from." only regret is that i did not get away sooner. and there are some people who i have limited/ reduced my association with them. my only regret is that i did not make that reduction in association sooner.

life should not be filled with obligations.

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