Wednesday, March 24, 2010

injaynesworld much has been made of "My Ass..."

Is it me or does Kim Kardashian’s ass need its own zip code?  

I can’t keep up with the latest trends in body image.  All I know is at any given time mine seems to be wrong.  At this particular moment, it would seem I’m ass-deficient.  It’s true.  My ass is a mere size 4, giant by Victoria Beckham standards, but in terms of current popular culture I’m clearly sub-par. 

I could never be an ass-donor.  Kidney?   Retina?  They’re yours, but alas, where there should be a nice little pad for pinching, I got nada, zip, solid bone.   Maybe that was why Santa was never too happy to have me sit on his lap. 

But fear not, fellow skinny bitches,  for a mere $32.95 asses can be ours, too!   I bring you the butt enhancer. Some day the ass-deficient of the world will have our turn to shine, but until then I’ll be shakin’ my booty in this baby.  

Never again will I have to endure the taunts of a certain redhead blogger – you know who you are.  No more carting along a cushion to stadium rock concerts.   Cold, steel park benches?  I’m covered.  

Go ahead.   Grab my ass.  Not only will you not be able to tell, chances are neither will I.  I will be known as the woman whose ass is up for grabs!    Now there’s a worthy distinction.

Women have been padding, pulling in and pushing up to conform to society's standards since the beginning of time.   Will we ever get it right? 

Submit body part complaints here…

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