Wednesday, July 28, 2010

injaynesworld we give you "5 Reasons To Break Up With Your Blogroll..."

I’ve been meaning to pare down my blogroll for some time.   It’s not that there was anything wrong with any of them.  It’s just that there were some I rarely got around to reading anymore and I was beginning to feel like a virtual peeping Tom, my tiny head perched in their sidebar hoping for some activity that might prompt an irresistible urge to make myself known and perhaps even crave a cigarette afterward.   

The blogs I’ve deleted all had a fair-sized group of followers and my hope is they won’t even notice I’m gone.   Being a recovering Catholic, I couldn’t bring myself to delete a blog that had only 10 or so.   The guilt would kill me.  I hate the thought of hurting someone’s feelings.   But then, isn’t that always why we stay in relationships for too long?   Plus, I was afraid they’d retaliate with copious amounts of endless spam. 

So  if you’ve noticed I’m gone, here’s why:

1.   You left town without saying good-bye…
Days without a post – not a problem.   A week or so, hey – I get it.   Time flies.   We’re all busy.  But when you vanish for months without so much as a “It was fun, babe.  See ya around,” what’s a reader to think?   I know we never discussed commitments, but I really thought we had something. 

2.   You don’t bring me flowers anymore…

Sure, it started off all hot and heavy.   You couldn’t keep your hands off my link.  Your effusive praise for my verbiage kept me weak in the knees.   I couldn’t wait to leap from my bed in the morning and get to my comments.  But alas, now you barely notice me at all and I suspect you’re seeing someone else.   My only solace is that I’m pressing the “delete” button first.  

3.   You cooked me a beautiful dinner and then you served it on dirty dishes…

Far be it for me to criticize anothers blog-keeping.  Typos happen to everyone.   That’s why God created proofreading.   You may be writing the most delightful, clever post I could ever hope to read, but if it’s riddled with misspelled words, typos, and sloppy grammar, it just tells me you really don’t care much and then I wonder, “Why should I?”  

4.   I always get done before you do…

Maybe I just don’t have the attention span that I used to.   God knows I don’t have the stamina and so when I click on a link and find myself faced with a wall of prose 2,000-plus words long, it’s like opening a door to a blind date who looks like Quasimodo.   I can’t flee fast enough.

Seriously, you have to be a freakin’ great writer to pull off a post that long and there are only a few who’ve got it in them.  Very few.  

Less really, truly is more.  

And finally, I’m sorry but…

5.   I’m just not that into you…

Hard to believe, I know.   Obviously, my head is up my ass and I have no taste because look at all your devoted followers.   I know you’re quite a catch and I would be a fool to end it, but I’ve really tried to make it work.   We just come from different worlds. 

I’m sorry.  It’s not you, it’s me.  Really.

I’m sure that some tiny heads will now be vanishing from my sidebar and that’s probably just as well.   There are 242 of them over there, give or take a few, and I really only interact with about 40 of you on a regular basis, so who the hell are the other 200 who continue to toy with my heart?     

I guess I have to face the fact that clearly, they’re just not that into me…

Gone through your blogroll lately?

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