Wednesday, February 12, 2014

injaynesworld "Hold The Hot Sauce..."

When it comes to food, if it’s sweet, bring it on.  Salty?   More, please.  As for spicy, well sure.  Okay.  But in moderation.   Let’s not go crazy.  

Which brings us to hot:  Chile peppers, jalapenos, cayenne pepper.   Don’t even go there.   Call me unreasonable, but I don’t believe Novocain should be required as an appetizer.

It was a night of Olympic watching, the year Nancy Kerrigan rose to more fame than she would ever see again for being whacked on the knee.   I was with two of my friends, drinking wine and wolfing down Chinese food from an array of open cartons. 

“Why?!  Why?!” Kerrigan had sobbed into camera, a clip that kind of lost its impact after the 112th viewing.    

Bitches that we were, we laughed at her.   

All was merry, until I dug my fork into carton of benign-looking beef.  It only took one bite…


My mouth burst into flames.  No, really.  Actual flames.  Would I lie?   Fluids began rushing from places on my body that I didn’t even know had exits.  

“Cut out my tongue!  Cut it out!  Cut it out!” I screamed, as I rolled on the floor in agony.

My so-called friends were also rolling on the floor, also screaming, also shedding copious amounts of fluids – IN LAUGHTER!  

I frantically pointed to the tiny red little bastard I had spit across the room. 

“You ate one of those?!!”  BAHAHAHA!   “They’re just for decoration!”  BAHAHAHA!

WTF?!   Parsley is a decoration! 

If something is served in my food, I assume I can eat it.  Is that so wrong?   And why isn’t there a damn warning label on the carton?   A simple drawing of one of these things with a big red line through it would have sufficed.   It’s not like I was a newby to Chinese food.  I’d eaten it all my life without encountering one of those things.  

Suddenly, I knew how Nancy Kerrigan felt.  You’re just walking along one minute, minding your own business and WHACK!    

As I sat on the floor, stunned and guzzling down Chardonnay straight from the bottle, I could only sob, “Why?!  Why?!”

From today’s “30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge” prompt “one bite.” It’s still not too late for you to join us over at We Work for Cheese.   Jump in anytime.  We’re a fun bunch.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Related Posts with Thumbnails