Which brings us to hot: Chile peppers, jalapenos, cayenne pepper. Don’t even go there. Call me unreasonable, but I don’t believe
Novocain should be required as an appetizer.
It was a night of Olympic watching, the year Nancy
Kerrigan rose to more fame than she would ever see again for being whacked on
the knee. I was with two of my friends,
drinking wine and wolfing down Chinese food from an array of open cartons.
“Why?!
Why?!” Kerrigan had sobbed into camera, a clip that kind of lost its
impact after the 112th viewing.
Bitches that we were, we laughed at her.
All was merry, until I dug my fork into carton of
benign-looking beef. It only took one
bite…
HOLYMOTHEROFFUCKINGGOD!!!!!
My mouth burst into flames. No, really.
Actual flames. Would I lie? Fluids began rushing from places on my body
that I didn’t even know had exits.
“Cut out my tongue! Cut it out!
Cut it out!” I screamed, as I rolled on the floor in agony.
My so-called friends were also rolling on the
floor, also screaming, also shedding copious amounts of fluids – IN
LAUGHTER!
I frantically pointed to the tiny red little
bastard I had spit across the room.
“You ate one of those?!!” BAHAHAHA!
“They’re just for decoration!” BAHAHAHA!
WTF?! Parsley
is a decoration!
If something is served in my food, I assume I can
eat it. Is that so wrong? And why isn’t there a damn warning label on
the carton? A simple drawing of one of
these things with a big red line through it would have sufficed. It’s not like I was a newby to Chinese
food. I’d eaten it all my life without
encountering one of those things.
Suddenly, I knew how Nancy Kerrigan felt. You’re just walking along one minute, minding
your own business and WHACK!
As I sat on the floor, stunned and guzzling down Chardonnay
straight from the bottle, I could only sob, “Why?! Why?!”
From today’s
“30 Minus 2 Days of Writing Challenge” prompt “one bite.” It’s still not too
late for you to join us over at We Work for Cheese. Jump in anytime. We’re a fun bunch.
