Wednesday, April 21, 2010

injaynesworld it's "Jayne's Birthday..."

Yay, me!   I’ve made it through yet another year with a roof over my head, my friendships still strong, and my health intact.   

Last year was a milestone birthday and I had an elegant bash thrown in my honor where I got to wear “That One Special Dress.”   This year, a small lunch with great friends at a favorite restaurant is more than enough.   

My birthday group consists of seven bodacious broads who have been gathering together, year after year, since 1996 to celebrate our individual birthdays.   Traditions like this become all the more important as time blows by at warp speed and obligations tug us this way and that. 

So today, as I’m off to eat, drink and be merry, I’ll leave you with this one simple thought:   Don’t postpone joy…

And while I'm out getting my party on, here's a little blast from the past I call, "Apps We'd Like To See..."
Yeah, I've seen the commercials, too  “There’s an app for everything,” my ass.   Oh, sure.  Maybe if you want to hear fart sounds or translate fuck you into Mandarin Chinese.  But what about the things we really need done? 

I need an app that will make me a Margarita.

Exercise for me so I can sit here sipping the Margarita it just made while it revs up my heart rate and makes me sweat like a pig. (Do pigs actually sweat?  Wait.  There’s an app for that.)

Clean the toilet, and the cat's toilet, too. 

Run me a nice bath.

Now give me a manicure.

Go get that nasty little pap smear I’ve been putting off, and shove your tit in a vice, too, while you're at it.

Time for another Margarita.

And I’ll have a Cobb salad for lunch, please.

Print me some money, small bills will do.  I'm going shopping.  No, thank you.  I can do that myself, but I'll need you to park the car. 

Kill the rat-bastard gophers who are killing my lawn.  

Now re-seed the lawn.

Unclutter my desk… and my life.

Wash my car and go get gas -- 25 miles out on the highway at the cheap station.

Grocery shop.   Don’t forget the tequila.

Empty the garbage.  Recycle, and crush the boxes, please. 

A foot rub would be nice right about now.

Fix dinner.  The fat-absorber app will take care of that cake I'll be having for dessert. 

Oh, look.  Empty glass.  I believe I’ll have another Margarita, thank you.

Back rub before sleep?  Absolutely.  And hand me that Ambien.

So how about it, Apple?   Is that really too much to ask?  Oh, wait... There's an app for that, too. 

To date, an App has not been developed to leave comments...
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