injaynesworld "The Tree Stays Up..."

… well past what would be considered normal or even healthy in most other households.  

When I was a child, we left the tree up until January 6^th, which is the Epiphany in Catholicism celebrating Jesus as the human Son of God.   It also follows the twelfth day of Christmas (January 5^th) when your true love gives you “12 drummers drumming” and all the other stuff promised in the song and who wants to miss out on that. 

On January 6^th, my mother and I would exchange one last, small gift and then that was the end of the Christmas season and the tree would come down in what anyone would agree was a reasonable time frame. 

But then we didn’t have eight-foot trees with the number of lights well past all fire safety warnings and hundreds of ornaments collected over my rather substantial lifetime as I do now.   Add to that the fact that the tree costs an entire week’s budget of groceries and gasoline and you can bet I want my money’s worth, so my trees have sometimes been known to shine brightly damn near till Valentine’s Day.

Lest you worry about the fire hazards associated with such a lengthy stay, let me just assure you that due to the high cost of heating and the subsequent temperatures approaching meat locker status in my home, my tree stays fresh as the day it first arrived.  Another thing that makes it so hard to part with.   It feels like pulling the plug on a friend who still looks great in a coma.

This year will be different, however.    My tree is only three feet high and the task of taking it down not nearly so daunting.  So even though it shows no signs of drooping, come January 6^th I’ll have one last eggnog and brandy, raise my glass to season well celebrated and begin the detrim with only a trace of sadness.   Once naked, I’ll put the tiny pine outside my front door with plenty of water and enjoy it there until it chooses the date of its own demise.   Then, as I would want done with me, I’ll toss it onto the farm burn pile and watch its ashes rise to meet the sky.  

It seems like a fitting good-bye.

How do you end the Christmas season?   

injaynesworld we ponder "The Perfect Gift..."

I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty amazing gifts in my life.  Things I really wanted, but had no real expectation of actually getting.  Surprises, that blew my circuits with the thought, care and love that I knew went into picking them out for me.   

On the giving end, the fun of seeing a friend’s face light up with genuine excitement at a gift that I’ve chosen especially for them brings a pleasure and satisfaction that’s hard to match.

News reports indicate the malls are packed with last-minute Christmas Eve shoppers, though why people wait so late to purchase their loved ones gifts is a mystery to me.  If you don’t know what you’re going to get someone before now, how much thought could really be going into the gift?  

Every year we all end up with at least a couple of those, “What the hell were they thinking?” presents.   May I just say, unless we’re closely related, please don’t give me underwear.    And socks with cartoon characters on them?    Really?    The dementia is that obvious, is it?   

We’ve all heard it said that “It’s the thought that counts.”   For me the perfect gift is one that says, “I know who you are.”   No one wants to feel like they got your Aunt Roberta’s gift by mistake.   Or something so generic, there’s not even a tag on it because it was recycled from your office Christmas party’s “Secret Santa” pile.

Honestly, it’s not necessary to come up with an “obligatory gift.”   I’m not a child who will feel slighted.   For me, it really is the thought that counts…

Of course, if you do want to get me a little something and you’re still stumped, you can never go wrong with cashmere.  

Meanwhile, here’s wishing a Christmas for you as full of fun as these joyful goats seem to be having.

And may all your Christmas wishes come true...

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

.

A new i-Pad app for the Guinness Book of World Records…

And just in time to honor 74-year old Canadian, Jean-Guy Laquerre, for his collection of Santa Claus memorabilia, making him a jolly fellow indeed this Christmas.  At 25,189 items, his is the largest such collection in the world.

Laquerre, who has been collecting Santa items since 1988, displays his collection every year from December 15^th to January 15^th at his Montreal home.   Don’t think of just dropping by though.   It’s by invitation only.   But if you show up dressed as Santa, I bet he’d make an exception.

###

I wouldn’t go dressed as this Santa though…

In the U.K., a men’s fashion shop known for its creative Christmas window displays has some covering their eyes this year at the sight of an animated transvestite Santa who lifts his skirt to reveal stockings and garters. 

The store admits that it has garnered a lot of attention, not all of it good, but calls it “just a quirky spin on Christmas,” and says, “It wasn’t meant in bad taste.”

What do you think?  Just jolly good fun or you’ve jolly well gotta be kidding?

###

Speaking of garters…

While in some states, below-the butt jeans can get you fined, in New York, officials are cracking down on conspicuous cracks with billboards like this one.

But fear not.  Lovers of the droopy drawers look can still swagger their sag without worrying about popping out the whole package with "Subs," a new garter belt for men.  Moms of teenage boys who are tired of nagging them to pull up their pants will love this little part garter belt, part suspenders device that transforms their baggy-assed kid into someone they’d almost want to be seen with. 

At a mere $30, I think it has “stocking stuffer” written all over it. 

###

Continuing with our holiday theme, a big Merry Christmas to our gay and lesbian troops…

On Saturday, the Senate followed the lead of the House by voting 65 to 31 to finally end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” thus finally bestowing on all of our troops the dignity and respect they deserve.  Since I rarely have anything nice to say about Republicans, and in the spirit of the season, let’s give it up for the six GOP Senators who bucked their party to do the right thing:  Susan Collins (R-Maine), Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), Mark Kirk (R-IL), Scott Brown (R-Mass), Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) and George Voinovich (R-Ohio).

And to John McCain who led the fight against the repeal to the very end, “You sir, are a steaming pile of shit.”

###

Of course we can’t expect too much out of the Party of No.  File this under coal in your stocking…

This week the Republicans blocked passage of a lousy $7 billion dollar bill that would have provided medical care for the 9/11 first responders who are now dying of illnesses connected to their bravery on our nation’s saddest day. 

Can’t afford it, the GOP said.   So let’s see, sick and dying 9/11 heroes, go fuck yourselves.   But $700 billion in tax cuts we can’t afford for people who don’t need them?   No problem.

This decision was so shameful that even pundits at Fox News told the Republicans that they sucked.  I know.  I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it either, so here’s the clip and it's well worth watching.

###

And finally, who doesn't love a bunch of cute animals singing "Deck The Halls..."

May your Christmas be merry and bright...

 

injaynesworld we are visited by "Ghosts From Christmas Past..."

.

This week I received a solicitation for discount prepaid cremation services and an offer for a three-week free membership for a senior online dating service – not from the same company.   Although, the thought of dating again does make me want to hasten my demise, so both of these offers arriving on the same day was not without a certain amount of irony. 

I have to admit that the holidays do bring out a bit of longing for companionship other than the four-legged variety.  Maybe it’s just nostalgia for childhood Christmases made jollier than they actually were from the passage of time.   The mind can do that, you know.   Get in there and mess with one’s memories until fact and fiction blur and before you know it the ghosts of Christmas past no longer have the power over you that they once possessed.

I’m a child of an alcoholic mother.   My Christmases were chaotic and rarely without the destruction of a few good plates.   I always had tons of presents though, even if some years I had to search for my hidden stocking goodies and stuff the stocking myself.   Mom never said a word about that.   Maybe she believed in Santa.  Ho, ho, ho.

I bear no ill will toward her.   It’s been decades since she died and, as an adult, I know she loved me and did the best she could.   Still the battle between us was fierce.   The more she drank, the more I punished her with the cruelty of my words and the harder my words stung, the more she would drink.

I moved out on my own when I was 19.   Coincidentally, that’s when she stopped drinking.   Trying carrying that one around for a lifetime.    Ho, ho, ho.

I wish I could recall our last Christmas together.  I would have been 22.   She’d been in and out of the hospital for an inoperable tumor on her spine.   Oh, yes.   She traded alcohol for cancer.   Go figure.   I  remember her last few months when there was nothing more to fight about and we finally became friends.   I worked in the music business and would score weed from the Grateful Dead to help her with the nausea from the chemo.  We’d get stoned, listen to the Dead and laugh.  Good times. 

Maybe that’s what we did that final Christmas.  

I’m tempted to sign up for that offer from the online dating site just through the holidays.   There might be someone out there with a childhood tale similar to mine and, if things work out, maybe we could even get a package deal on those cremation services. 

Merry Christmas, Mom. 

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

.
I don't even remember the last time I was sick.   Seriously.   It's been years.   I never get sick -- something I enjoy bragging about.   Colds, flu, allergy season pass me right on by.   So imagine my surprise when, after a visit with my God-daughter and her four-year-old sick son, I got slammed on my (size 4) ass.

Filed under "No good turn goes unpunished," I'd gone to L.A. on Wednesday to help put the lights on her tree and spend the night.  In all fairness, she told me the little rug rat had a cold, but a plan is a plan.   I'm kind of stubborn that way.   I was sure I could keep a safe distance and, in fact, not so much as a hug took place.  How could my otherwise stellar immune system possibly have failed me so? 

I blame Obama.   His capitulation on tax breaks for the wealthiest 1% among us quite frankly kicked the crap out of my otherwise strong constitution, causing me to enter germ central in an unusually depressed state.  To quote the always on point Andy Borowitz, "Obama agrees to extend custody of his balls to the Republicans through 2012."

And now I'm going back to bed.   Oh, yeah... I blame this shitty Recap on Obama, too.

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

.

Witchy Woman gets a book deal…

Because what is more fascinating than yesterday’s news?

If we’re over Christine O’Donnell now – and oh yes, I think we are -- what makes St. Martin’s Press think we’re going to be lined up to buy her book in August 2011? 

The press release states it will offer her take on the campaign and her “frustrations” with the political process – presumably with a forward by Sharon Angle, Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorini.  

When did we become a nation obsessed with losers?

###

“Re-taste your youth at 40 proof…”

That’s the slogan of the company producing “Adult Chocolate Milk” a new liquor infused with a buzz-inducing kick of vodka.   The brainchild of two entrepreneurial Orange County, California moms, the drink is touted as a trip back in time when worries were few.   

Now these folks -- along with the couple that invented last week’s caffeinated popcorn -- are the kind that I’d enjoy reading a book about. 

###

Speaking of reading…

A judge has dismissed a petition for a ban on WikiLeaks, saying that nothing is greater than the truth and citizens have a right to be informed on the actions of their government.  Let’s hear it for our strong First Amendment.   Wait – you say this didn’t occur in the U.S.?

Yep.  This strike for liberty came from a judge in Pakistan, of all places, while officials here in the U.S. of Hypocrisy continue to persecute the messenger and try to silence the truth because God forbid our citizenry should actually know the kind of atrocious shit our government is up to around the world in the name of  “freedom.”

Am I the only one who finds it ironic that there are now more countries hunting WikiLeaks’ founder, Julian Assange, than ever gave a crap about looking for Osama Bin Ladin?

Here’s my take on the “embarrassment” diplomats complain these leaked cables have caused.   If you would just behave ethically in the first place, you wouldn’t have anything to be embarrassed about.  Hopefully, that will be the lesson our government takes away from this situation.

###

I could use a whole lot of Adult Chocolate Milk after this…

On Wednesday, House Democrats voted to permanently extend tax cuts for the middle class – that would be you and me.  

Then on Saturday Senate Republicans killed it – actually voting against tax relief for the middle class -- because it didn’t include their much-sought-after tax cuts for the rich – and remember that 44% of Congress are millionaires.  These are the same fine folks arguing that we can’t afford to help out needy, jobless families because we don’t want to add to the deficit, but apparently adding $700 billion to the deficit over the next 10 years to pay for a tax cut for the richest 1% among us – all cool. 

So I’m thinking of retiring the Steaming Pile of Shit Award.  There just don't seem to be enough nominees that can compete with the GOP. 

###

And now, for no other reason than we could all use a good laugh, I present…

The Pattycake Pussies…

Imagine one named Obama and the other Mitch McConnell just for the hell of it. 

May your day be merry and bright…

injaynesworld it's "Another Elfing Christmas..."

.

There seems to be a whole lot of bah humbug on the Internet these days.   Around here we love Christmas.   Yeah, yeah.  I know.  It seems to come faster every year thanks to overzealous stores force feeding us "Jingle Bells" before we can even digest our Halloween candy.  All that Black Friday and Cyber Monday crap designed solely to part us from our hard-earned cash can really kick the crap out of the spirit of the season, too.  It's easy to get caught up in all of it and feel sad or angry about the things we can't do or can't afford.  

Every year for the last 15 or so, I've thrown a big tree-trimming party for all my friends.  I always have an eight-foot tree with hundreds of ornaments and enough lights to tax the electric grid to capacity.   Last year, I was struggling financially and my friends all chipped in and rescued the party.   This year, I decided that even with help, it felt overwhelming.   I stressed about whether or not to go ahead with it anyway.  The thought of canceling such a tradition brought with it this very odd sense of failure that I couldn’t quite figure out. 

Then it hit me.  It wasn’t that I couldn’t have the party.  I didn’t want it.  Or the eight-foot tree.  Not this year.  And that was okay.  If I went ahead with it I'd be doing so only out of a sense of obligation, not to my friends so much, but to this idea that was stuck in my head of what I thought I had to have and do in order to celebrate Christmas. I realized all that was really needed was the joy of the season and I could create that in my heart.

This week I'll go shopping for my tree and I couldn't be more excited.   It will be three feet tall, the perfect size to sit atop a little glass table in the corner of my living room.   I’ll put on the Il Divo Christmas album, light a fire and smile at the memories my ornaments evoke as I carefully unwrap each one.   I'll pick my favorites:  A tiny framed photo, a fragile hand-painted kitten, a spotted glass pony, and so many, many more – every single one a gift from a dear friend from a Christmas we’ve shared.  And when I’m done, that little tree will sparkle with such light and love it will seem eight feet tall. 

Now let’s get some Christmas spirit going around here.

If you want to leave some Christmas cheer in the comments, I'd love to have it.   But if you're a big, old bah humbug, then just go elf yourself.  Merry Christmas.

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

.

It’s things like this that make feel happy I’m old and will be dead relatively soon…

Because it’s not enough for the Republicans to block every attempt to help regular folks out in these economically trying times, now they want to play fast and loose with our national security.   Since first proposed in 1982 by President Reagan and finally signed in 1991, every single Congress has voted to ratify the START treaty between the U.S. and Russia that allows us to verify each others nuclear weapons stockpile.  

Every single Congress, that is, except this current group of partisan douchebags.  These “patriots” believe it’s more important to weaken a President of the United States in the eyes of the world than it is to protect you and I from possible nuclear annihilation.  

Give it up for the GOP for once again earning the prestigious “Steaming Pile of Shit Award.”  

###

Meanwhile, the outrage over TSA screenings continued here…

While terrorists enjoyed screenings of their own.

Did you travel by air this week?    Grope or Scan?

###

Do you know this man…?

No, it’s not Santa’s employee I.D. card from Macy’s.    John Robert Boone, aka the King of Pot, is a full-blown legend in Kentucky where he went on the run after authorities busted his farm and confiscated 2,400 marijuana plants. 

According to a Facebook page, “Run Johnny Run,” started by his fans:  “This man is a neighborly, non-violent, hard-working, industrious American.  Our government needs to stop wasting time, money and resources trying to incarcerate a man who was a productive member of society.”

This isn’t “Run, Johnny, Run’s” first run-in with “Johnny Law.”   They go back to the late 1980s when Boone spent more than a decade as a guest of the feds for leading a group of pot growers in nine states in growing 182 tons of the happy weed.   If caught now, Boone faces life in prison – on the taxpayers’ dime.  

Meanwhile, this week Willie Nelson got busted for pot possession yet again, but damn he looks happy. 

###

And now a salute to American entrepreneurship of the legal kind…

If you’re like me, you love your coffee, but not so much those annoying pee-runs that always follow.   Well, now there’s an answer.   Behold – caffeinated popcorn.

According to creators Amanda and Matthew Fitch, who pop up the energy-boosting treat in their New Hampshire home kitchen, Bio-Fuel kettle-style popcorn has the same amount of caffeine as a strong cup of coffee -- two cups if you buy the extra-strength -- but no caffeine taste.

Apparently, the sweet and salty snack with the buzz bonus is a big hit, with some people saying it’s as addicting as cocaine.  Now there’s a sales pitch.   

###

North and South Korea are all up in each other’s faces again and you knew Sarah Palin would have an opinion. 

While being interviewed by Glenn Beck about her plans to run for president in 2012, Palin was asked how she would handle the current North/South Korea conflict.   “Obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies," she spouted with confidence before being corrected by Beck, "Uh, South Korea."

Okay, first of all I guess we’ve got to give her credit for even knowing that there are two Koreas and sure, anyone can make a slip of the tongue – although with Palin's tenuous grasp of the English language, one is often hard-pressed to discern the slip from the non-slip. 

What should frighten anyone with even a scrap of awareness of the very dangerous world we live in, is that Palin was presenting herself as an expert on Korean foreign policy, something she clearly knows nothing about, and people were listening to her opinion as if it actually mattered.

Now that foreign entities can easily and secretly funnel money into campaign coffers to influence U.S. elections, you can betcha who America’s enemies will be supporting in 2012. 

###  

Finally, this little gem…

A New York subway flasher picks the wrong woman with whom to share his business…

After noticing someone pressing up against her on an uncrowded subway car, this woman looked down to discover that a man had his penis hanging out of his pants, and then the fun really began.

Maybe he was hoping for a patdown. 

Your turn to chime in…

injaynesworld we revisit "Gratitude Is The Attitude..."

.
First posted in February of this year and re-posted today in the spirit of the season because we can never be reminded too often of all we have to be grateful for...

I live on a lovely farm surrounded by strawberry fields, vineyards and ranches.  Today the rain has come again – the rain I whined and bitched about last week – yes, it’s back.  But this morning, something is different.

My desk sits in front of a large picture window that looks out upon lush, green fields, oak trees, and a gray sky that today feels more like a cozy blanket than a bearer of gloom.   Mason-kitty sits in front of the computer gazing out the window at birds he’ll never catch, while Dixie, the four-pound princess, snuggles and snoozes tightly zipped up inside my jacket, her tiny head pressed against my heart. 

My world is at peace… and I am grateful.

Elsewhere blizzards have made the lives of many of my friends miserable and difficult and it would appear there is no end in sight.   In Washington, the governing has come to a standstill, though one would be hard pressed to notice.  Snow days and snow jobs seem to be the order of the day in our nation’s capitol.  

Still, this country has given me freedoms and opportunities unknown to women in so many other parts of the world… and I am grateful.

Unemployment has devastated the middle class, while the rich continue to get richer.  The average time between losing and finding a job now is 30 weeks.  I will never be rich.  I will probably always be up to my ass in debt, but I have a job… and I am grateful.

I have friends whose love and generosity continuously amaze me.  I am blessed with good health and, at least for the time being, I have health insurance.  I have food when I’m hungry, water when I thirst, and a warm bed where I sleep safe and free from the sounds of  war… and I am grateful.

There will always be plenty of days and things to find fault with.  Today, however, I will bitch about nothing.    Today, I will just be grateful…

Happy Thanksgiving and thank you to all those who have made this blog possible with your readership, participation and encouragement. 

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

.

If you’re a male prostitute who happens to also be Catholic, you’re in luck!

Since there is obviously no issue of contraception involved, the Holy Father has now decreed that you can use condoms with his blessing in order to prevent the spread of HIV.   There is so much wrong with this sentence, I don’t know where to begin.

First of all, if you’re a Catholic male prostitute, I’m thinking you’ve already strayed pretty far from the Church’s teachings.  God forbid you should also sin by using a condom.   I think that horse has left the barn.

Lest anyone worry that the Pope is going all open-minded on us, if you’re a married couple where one spouse is infected, you’re still screwed.  No condoms for you.

###

It was a busy week for the Party of No…

Republicans said no to equal pay for women, no to unemployment extension for two million families whose benefits will expire December 1^st (Merry Fucking Christmas), and held middle-class tax cuts hostage while continuing to fight hard for the extension of tax cuts for the rich.

According to the group Patriot Millionaires For Fiscal Strength, a group of rich folks who are actually asking for their privileged tax cuts to expire: 

"Only 375,000 Americans have incomes of over $1,000,000, but a whopping 44% of our reps in Congress are millionaires."

Can you say "conflict of interest?"

###

Planning on flying this Thanksgiving?

If you’re willing to let a stranger cop a feel you could win a iPod Touch from Loopt.com.   

Loopt, makers of a mobile check-in app, is giving away 10 iPods to those who fly on the day before Thanksgiving and opt out of the body scanner.   All you have to do is Tweet about your molestation with the world and you could be the lucky winner!   

Personally, I think the terrorists have now officially won.  Give them all iPods. 

Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. --Benjamin Franklin

###

It might have gone unnoticed to you, but this past Friday, November 19^th, was World Toilet Day.   I know.   I didn’t get a card either...   

The very real and serious reason behind this day for honoring the throne is to bring attention to the fact that 2.5 billion of the world’s population don’t have adequate sanitation.  One out of five children in the world die before their fifth birthday due to diarrhea disease.

So on Friday, if you noticed people squatting in the oddest places, it was all part of a plan by the World Toilet Organization to raise awareness of this problem by asking people that day to just squat wherever they happened to be for one full minute – no dropping of the pants required or encouraged.  

###

An app for your crap…

And I would be remiss if I didn't also bring your attention to a new app called Flush Tracker.  Launched to coincide with World Toilet Day, this little tech gem allows you to track your poo from elimination to the finish line, if you're so inclined.   

The Brits are having a fine time with this.  On Friday, office work everywhere backed up as people, using Google mapping, tracked their latest offering through the city sanitation system all the way to the sewage facility giving the term "anal retentive" a whole new meaning.

Sorry folks.  Flush Tracker is not yet available in the U.S.

###

Thinking about a jaunt south of the border, but concerned for your safety?

Not to worry…

Whatchu got to say...?

injaynesworld it's a "Dancing With The Stars Shoot-Out..."

In Wisconsin, a 67-year-old man was so enraged after watching Bristol’s thundering attempt at the Paso Doble on Monday night that he took his shotgun and blasted his television, then turned the gun on his wife who managed to escape.   

Okay.  I’m not that pissed off, but…

The phones banks of the Sarah Palin fan base have once again saved Bristol’s lumbering ass.  If you’ve been following this season, you’ve seen it happen over and over, but it’s still shocking when mediocrity trumps excellence and I think it sends a lousy message to young people that once again, “It’s who you know, not what you know.”

According to news reports, conservative author/radio host Tammy Bruce put out this message to her 14,000 followers Monday night:

"Operation Bristol waltzes in tonight! As #DWTS starts vote at abc.go.com Tweeps pls tweet phone info, will RT."

"Operation Bristol" has been posted and re-posted by websites like Conservatives4Palin and us4Palin.

Meanwhile, pop singer Brandy, who’d received 10s for her dances on Monday night and has consistently and deservedly been in the top three couples, was sent packing.   

You’d think at some point, the Operation Bristol people would start to feel a bit of shame.    You’d think Bristol, fully knowing what’s going on, would have shown some integrity Tuesday night by thanking everyone for the opportunity she’s had and graciously removing herself from the competition.   Just imagine if she’d done that.  It’s all anyone would have been talking about for weeks.   Overnight, she’d have become the media sensation she clearly longs to be and earned the respect of even the Palin family’s harshest critics.   I think her star might have even eclipsed her mother’s and, best of all for Bristol, she’d finally be standing in her own light.  

But then, coming from the family that she does, where would she have ever learned integrity?  

Agree?  Disagree?   I know you have an opinion…

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

.
There’s an app for the clap...

You've gotta love the Brits.  In an effort to combat the spread of STDs among its randy
youth too shy to visit a doctor, the U.K. government has spent $6.5 million to develop a
computer chip that you pee on, insert into your smart phone and it will tell you if that
itchy, burning sensation down yonder is something to worry about or just the result of
poor hygiene.

The test will cost about $2.00 and be available in condom vending machines.   No word as to whether it notifies everyone on your contact list if you’re positive, but Norton Anti-Virus is rumored to working on an app that will clear things right up for you.

###

Been wondering where to take the family on that next vacation?

How about a visit to the Khalid Nabi penis cemetery in the fun-filled country of Iran?  The centuries old graveyard boasts over 600 phallic headstones of various heights.  Yes, even back then apparently size was an issue.  

While very little research has been done on the site, its thought that the genitalia-adorned graves are left over from a phallic worshiping religion once practiced in the region.

Not exactly your Disney theme park, however the cemetery is attracting tourists from all over the world who come to have their pictures taken with the old, stone dicks. 

In the U.S. we just visit Washington. 

###

And speaking of dicks...

The Decider is back and hawking his memoir, “Decision Points…”

On water boarding, Bush said he authorized the water boarding of two CIA prisoners, that it was legal and he’d do it again.  When asked by Matt Lauer what made him think it was legal, he replied, “Because the lawyer said it was legal.” 

Must have been the esteemed law firm of “Flipper & Shamu.”

###

What would you pay for Bernie Madoff’s boxers?

The undies are just one of the items of Madoff’s personal possessions up for auction to raise funds for reimbursing the victims of one of the most impressive, albeit egregious, scams of all time.   Seriously, though… the guy didn’t even get to take his underwear?   That seems kind of cold.   I bet the prison-issue ones aren’t nearly as comfy.

I hope they’re at least autographed and, of course, I’m assuming they’ve been washed.

###

And finally, apropos of absolutely nothing except my reverence for the twisted…

 “South Park” kills off Justin Bieber…

Coon vs. Coon & Friends
Tags: SOUTH
PARKEric Cartman,Bradley Biggle,more...

I think my work here is done...

injaynesworld it starts with "That First Puff..."

One of my earliest childhood memories is being taken by my mother to visit “the folks,” a group of six siblings that comprised my grandmother, her four sisters and her brother.  From my perspective as a five-year-old they were ancient, but in reality they were probably no older than I am now.   They all lived nearby each other in those wonderful old San Francisco Victorian flats with the long, long hallways.

I vividly recall my mother holding my hand as we walked toward the dark, smoke-filled room at the back of the flat -- and it was always dark, no matter what time of day.  The shades were pulled and one lone bare bulb hung down over the middle of a round table where the folks met daily to play poker.   Each of them wore a green, plastic visor low over their eyes where the smoke from the long ash on the cigarettes dangling precariously from their lips would collect.   I don’t know how they saw a thing. 

It was here that my single mother would often drop me while she went off to work at whatever job she happened to have at the time.   I have no memories of actually staying in that room, only being deposited there.  The folks told my mother that I was no trouble at all and would just curl up in a chair and nap.   I rather think I simply passed out from lack of oxygen.

We knew nothing about the dangers of smoking back then and certainly no one had heard of the term “second-hand” smoke.   Besides, doctors smoked so how could it be bad? 

And it was so glamorous...   Hell, even Santa smoked.

Fast forward…

In an effort to shock people into quitting smoking or discourage them from starting in the first place, today the FDA revealed a series of graphic photos depicting the health dangers of smoking that it would require tobacco companies to place on each pack of cigarettes they sell.

Wow.   You’ve come a long way, baby…

I smoked my last cigarette 30 years ago.  What about you?

injaynesworld it's the "Sunday Recap..."

It was a pretty quiet, uneventful week...

  

Yep.  Not much happened at all.

Okay, so maybe I'm still just the tiniest bit bitter.

###

Our "Dumb Ass Of The Week Award" goes to MSNBC President, Phil Griffin...

Keith Olbermann, whose show “Countdown” is the highest rated show on MSNBC, was “indefinitely” suspended by the network on Thursday when it was learned that on October 28^th, Olbermann had given $2,400 each to two Democratic candidates.

The network’s position is that such contributions might create an impression of bias on the part of its news staff. 

Apparently, his bosses have never watched Keith’s show and were unaware that the highly-partisan, well-known liberal commentator was, in fact, a highly-partisan, well-known liberal commentator and that’s the reason his show is number one at the left-leaning network among the highly-partisan, liberal audience that watches him every single night. 

Nope.  We certainly can’t have them thinking he might be biased. 

Keith has a new book out.   Let’s see if we can’t help him knock Bush’s book out of the #1 spot.

###

And speaking of literary tomes…

In his recently released memoir “Decision Points,” Bush states that the “worst moment of his presidency” was when rap star and well-known poor loser Kanye West called him a racist.   Seriously, George?  

As  President of the United States during a time when we’d seen our country attacked and over 3,000 of our countrymen die on 9/11, when Hurricane Katrina had killed and displaced thousands of people in Louisiana and Mississippi, when young men and women under your orders were being blown apart fighting a war against Iraq based on a lie, when the middle class was being bankrupted by the continued transfer of the nation’s wealth to the upper 1 % of the population, being called a name on television by a rapper who didn’t even have a hit album at the time was your “worst moment?”  

My worst moment was when the Supreme Court handed you the election.

###

Now this is the way to decide an election…

In Chaves County, New Mexico, the race for county commissioner is tied between two
candidates, each with 1,004 votes.  According to a kind of cool state law, the tie must
be broken by a game of chance -- a flip of the coin, the drawing of straws or cutting cards.

If the tie still stands when the final military ballots have been counted, County Clerk Rhoda Coakley has suggested a game of 5-card stud – best hand wins.

Beats the crap out of letting the Supreme Court decide.  

###

Not-so-fun fact of the week:

Since 1984, California has built only one new college, but 21 new prisons.  Do you feel safer?

###

And finally, some of the funnier signs from last week’s “Restore Sanity” rally…

Sign Montage from the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear from ekai on Vimeo.

Your turn to sound off…